Desiring Virtue

By Jessalyn Hutto

What would a series on hospitality be without a mention of the famous exchange between Martha, Mary and Jesus? The lessons found in Luke 10:38-42 can be applied to any person seeking to serve Christ through serving others, but we would be remiss in denying its direct, pointed, and helpful instruction for us ladies who are seeking to serve our Savior through the ministry of hospitality. Let’s take a peek together at this intimate moment between Martha (the hostess who can’t stop serving) and her Savior:

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

Have you ever had your pastor over for dinner? I have, and though pastors aren’t royalty, there is something about having the shepherd of your church body sit at your table eating your food that can add a little extra stress to your preparations. Often times you simply aren’t as familiar with him and his family as you might be with other members of the church, but there is also a certain amount of respect and honor that you desire to show this family that so faithfully serves your congregation. You tend to spend a little more time planning out the details of the evening, preparing the meal, and making sure your children don’t tear the house down before he arrives (and if they didn’t do so while he was there, that would be nice too!). Stress, anxiousness, perfectionism, and pride are all issues we struggle with as we seek to extend hospitality to others, but the temptation to fall victim to them when someone as important as your pastor visits is typically heightened.

Let’s take these familiar and understandable feelings and put ourselves in Martha’s shoes: Jesus is coming over for dinner. The man who has fed thousands, healed sick men, given sight to the blind–the Christ–is stopping by for a visit. Not only is the Messiah popping in, but he may be accompanied by his twelve disciples, plus who knows how many others. This is a situation that calls for a super hostess, and Martha (the queen of “getting things done”), is up for the task.

However, as Martha caters to the needs of her guests, making them dinner,  clearing plates, and putting things away she begins to grow disgruntled. She isn’t sitting at the Lord’s feet listening to his teaching as her sister Mary is–a position of great honor since it was unheard of for a male teacher to welcome women disciples–no, she is tending to the grunt work and making sure the evening is going off without a hitch. Unfortunately, while everyone else is enjoying her hospitality, she is not. While everyone else is feasting on the words of the Lord, our super hostess is being pulled away by her never ending to-do list.

She is growing tired, frustrated, and yes, downright annoyed with her sister’s ambivalence to what needs to get done. What right does her sister have to enjoy Christ’s company so much while she tends to the dirty dishes? It isn’t fair; her sister should have to help too. And so she expresses her annoyance to the Savior (who, we can safely assume already knew).

Most of us can sympathize with Martha. After all, in our sinful flesh, it is all too easy to fall into a pit of self-pity and resentment when seeking to extend hospitality. It can manifest itself as we gather the dirty dishes from a table where our families feverishly gobbled up a meal we painstakingly prepared, only to clean it all up once again alone. It might appear at a church potluck where the volunteers are too few and the friend who said she would help hasn’t even made it through the church doors because she is too caught up in conversation. Or perhaps it rears its ugly head as you prepare for company and your husband and children only seem to be adding to the list of things  you need to get done rather than helping out. What begins as a joyful pursuit of service can quickly spiral into an opportunity for the flesh to reign in our hearts. Yes, we know this all too well.

As Martha conveys her feelings to the Master, her good intentions and loving hospitality are eclipsed by the sudden appearance of a depraved and prideful heart. What has been slowly bubbling up inside bursts out in a plea for acknowledgement and help. At this point, we might expect Jesus to respond to her in the same way he has to the disciples when they have revealed prideful and selfish hearts. He might have chosen to say something like this:

But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Matthew 20:26-28, ESV)

After all, up until this point she has been feverishly working to serve Christ’s disciples and Christ himself. He could have reminded her of the eternal reward awaiting her in Heaven. He could have assured her that her work, though seen by no one else, though perhaps appreciated by no one else, was indeed seen and appreciated by him. This is often how we seek to strengthen our resolve and turn our sour attitudes around isn’t it? We remind ourselves of the dignity and reward our work deserves. We recount the Lord’s incredible statement in Matthew 25:40 to ourselves, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me” (Matthew 25:40), as we seek to joyfully serve the Savior by scraping dried food off of plates. But oh how our loving Savior gently corrects Martha. No angry rebuke comes from his lips, not harsh words land upon our tired hostess, just the sweet and penetrating correction that speaks directly to her heart–and I believe to ours as well. Let’s take a look at his words one more time and then pick out a couple applications for our own experiences with hospitality:

But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

The Lord knows Martha’s heart and sees that service is not her problem, otherwise he would have said so. Instead he addresses her anxieties and troubles. She is so concerned over the evening’s details and over whether or not the house is spotless for her guests, that she would be willing to rip her sister away from Christ’s feet! She would rather the plates get put away faster than her sister spend time with the Savior–Heaven forbid she take a moment to sit down and listen to his teaching! Martha has chosen to allow the responsibilities of hosting to get in the way of the only thing that is truly necessary–feasting on Christ.

This is what happens when service–and for our specific purposes the service of hospitality–is done for service’s sake. We major on the minors and allow the most important realities to be overshadowed by the silliest of details. Jesus was teaching anyone who would listen the long awaited secrets of the Kingdom of God, and while her sister, Mary, gobbled them up like choice morsels, Martha was busy fretting over how the icing on the cake smudged as she lifted it from its plastic container. She would rather her sister leave the banquet being offered up in the words of Christ in order to help her get the precious turkey and sides on the table at equal, hot temperatures. She had forgotten what was necessary and become anxious about what was not.

It was not her service that Christ chose to encourage–or rebuke for that matter–it was her heart’s priorities, it was her affections and kingdom mindset. We would do well to learn from his correction. As we seek to show hospitality to our family, friends, church members, and neighbors, may we never be so caught up in the details of the night that we can no longer see the spiritual dimension to our efforts. Yes we are feeding stomaches, but ultimately for higher purposes than physical hunger. We are seeking to further the kingdom of Christ, to bring glory to his name, and to help others treasure him more! If that means not being able to get the house spotless before your pastor’s family arrives because one of your children’s hearts needs tending to, then Christ would encourage you to put his kingdom first. If that means bearing the burden of work at a church potluck so that others might partake in spiritually edifying conversation, then Christ would encourage you to put his kingdom first. If it means waiting to clear the table and get those dirty dishes in the dishwasher until your husband has had a chance to share the Word of God to your family around the table, then Christ would encourage you to put the kingdom first. In all things, we must remember that our hospitality is only a means to an end. We are looking forward to and preparing for a greater banquet.

Notice also that Christ doesn’t shrink from acknowledging that Mary has chosen the best portion. Yes, Martha has chosen to do something good–serving the King with pure motives is always a good thing–but being served by Christ is always better. Martha’s hospitality was so inviting, that the Savior himself had chosen to find refuge within her home (presumably on multiple occasions). She prepared a comfortable home, delicious food, and an engaging atmosphere–things we all strive for when hosting guests–and yet, she was missing something, something foundational. While she was busy serving others, she forgot to allow Christ to serve her. Neglecting her need for Christ hampered her ability to serve him.

Isn’t this the great paradox of the Christian faith? We want to make our relationship with Christ all about what we can do for him, but in reality it is all about what he has done and is doing for us. Here we see our beloved super hostess seeking with all her might to perfectly serve her Master (a noble quest indeed), and yet Jesus (who has every right to be served and attended to) tells her that Mary, her sister, has chosen something better: to sit at his feet and learn from him. What beautiful and powerful encouragement is found here! How rich is the good news that Christ offers each of us as we seek to serve him. He came to serve us! He came to wash our feet and to feed us with his good Word! He is the Servant King whom we cannot possibly comprehend, but are beckoned to enjoy.

If our efforts in the area of hospitality are devoid of the gospel, then they are futile. They will be bound by our own limited abilities and  perceptions of reality. We need the grace of God to infuse and guide all of our efforts in order for them to be of eternal significance. We must humble ourselves to receive this grace through the Word of God, daily coming to him and asking that he give us a vision for his kingdom. Even when it seems that we have no time for Christ and his Bible, we must make the crucial decision to take from him before we try to give to others. We must cultivate a spirit of prayer and communion with the one who now lives within us so that even in the busyness of our hosting we are attuned to his desires and his priorities.

Happily, we do not have to choose being with Jesus to the exclusion of serving him. God has given us the time to do everything he has truly called us to do, including spending some of our time in private communion with Christ. But he as also given us his Holy Spirit, and this means that we can commune with christ in our daily activities. Part of Martha’s problem was that she could not serve in the kitchen and be with Jesus in the living room at the same time. But we can. Through the inward working of the Holy Spirit, who makes Christ to live in us by faith, we can pray and listen to Jesus right in the middle of all our activities–even in the kitchen. As much as we need time away with Jesus, we also need to know his presence when we are with others, and when we are busy with our work. The Holy Spirit makes this a reality in the Christian life. By his ministry we can have a Mary heart in a Martha world, offering Martha’s kind of service with Mary’s attention to Jesus. (Philip Graham Ryken, Luke)

He is with us and tells us to choose the good portion. Isn’t this good news for those who desire to be super hostesses?

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