The Joys and Sorrows of Miscarriage

Sep 16, 2009 by desiringvirtue

You may not know that before being pregnant with Elliot, I miscarried our first baby. The miscarriage was THE most horrible and difficult trial of my life. Yet, through it all, in our greatest weakness the Lord gave Richard and I the joy and strength that we lacked. Our faith was never more real than in those most horrible moments. When you miscarry, the pain does not end after your baby leaves your body; it continues for days, months, and even years after. One of the greatest blessings a woman can be given during this time is the knowledge that someone else knows exactly how she feels. Knowing that another woman has known the pain, and felt the very real presence of the Lord during it, is an encouragement like none other. That is why I have asked a dear friend, Sarah, to share her testimony of the Lord’s faithfulness to her through her recent miscarriage and subsequent pregnancy. I am confident that her Biblical, God honoring testimony will be a blessing to every woman who reads it.

I am most thankful for the opportunity to share about one of the most difficult, yet most peaceful trials of my life. I do hope that this can be of an encouragement to someone else who is experiencing or has experienced the pain of miscarrying a pregnancy.

First I would like to share that I have a 5 year old little girl. I never had any complications with her at all during pregnancy, so when the Lord blessed us with a second pregnancy, I was not even thinking of the possibility that something could go wrong. I was about 5 weeks along when I started experiencing some symptoms that had my doctor concerned. Because I was so early, there was nothing that she could really tell me. We had to wait. It was about 3-4 weeks later when my doctor had determined that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks.

This few weeks of waiting on the Lord was the most difficult yet most peaceful time of my life. My doctor was not very optimistic that the baby would make it, I had to battle thoughts in my mind. I couldn’t think about “what will I do if we lose the baby?” Or even making plans in my mind if everything was fine. I had to stay completely in the “middle” of these two thoughts and just trust the Lord. I had to be completely content with not knowing. I had to be content to wait. It was absolutely beautiful waiting in the arms of my creator, knowing that even though I didn’t know the outcome, and my doctor didn’t know the outcome, He knew. He created this precious little life inside of my womb, and it was His creation and He had it all under control. When my doctor told me that the baby was gone I had an incredible peace about it. God’s grace was with me and covered me in that moment.

The night after I had my DNC, I could not sleep. I was wide awake and all of these scriptures were pouring through my mind! Scriptures about who God is and His faithfulness. Scriptures like “Now see that I, even I, am He, and there is no God besides Me; I kill and I make alive; I wound and I heal; Nor is there any who can deliver from my hand.” (Deut. 32:39) This gave me great comfort to remember that God is always in control of every situation in our lives. Even the most painful things that we experience are all by the hand of our loving Father. “It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of coins of gold and silver… Those who fear you will be glad when they see me, because I have hoped in Your word. I know, O Lord, that your judgments are right; and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.” (Ps 119:71-75) I knew that it was for my good and His faithfulness He had given me this trial. I had never been more close to the Lord than these past few weeks of waiting on Him. “Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful creator.” (1 Pet. 4:19)  There was no doubt that this was the will of the Lord for my life and for the life of my little one that He had blessed me with. The Lord also gently reminded me of a scripture I had memorized as a teenager. At the time I really didn’t understand it, though now, it held so much meaning for me. “Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Ps 73:25-26)

The Lord was so faithful to keep me nestled close to Him during that time. I knew that His strength was with me and I had nothing to fear. I did go through a grieving process that I did not quite expect. Through it all, when I felt so broken hearted, He was there with encouragement in His word. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy. “ (Pro. 13:13) This verse helped me to understand to grieve is okay. There is a time to grieve, and there would again be a time of rejoicing. We decided to wait about 3 months to try again. When it came time, I was very afraid. I just kept praying and asking the Lord to help me to trust Him again, and to take the fear away and help me be excited about being pregnant again. In His faithfulness, He led me to Colossians 1. These particular verses were talking about the way that we are to walk with the Lord, being worthy of this and fully pleasing Him in everything. Then I read verses 11-12a “Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and long-suffering with joy, giving thanks to the Father…” He reminded me to be thankful to Him for this trial. To know that He was giving me strength to have joy while I am suffering according to His will! I continued reading in verse 16 “For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.” God had created this precious little person, this precious gift. Though it was a blessing for me, He created it for Himself. For His own glory through Christ! What a precious thought to think that the Lord would create something invisible to the world around me and that He did it for Himself. This gave me great thankfulness and peace! I could not WAIT to be pregnant again! It encouraged my heart so much that no matter how long a pregnancy lasts, whether a few weeks, a few months, or if I carry to full term, it is a blessing! It is for His glory! What an amazing creator we have!

So today, I am humbly grateful to share that I am 8 weeks pregnant. There are moments when those fearful thoughts pop into my head. In those moments, all I can do is pray. I ask the Lord to help me not to dwell on the lies. I ask the Lord to give me strength and excitement and to trust Him with this baby. I remind myself of all that I have learned and what a true gift it was for me to lose the last baby. If it were not for that incredibly painful trial, I would not have the strengthened faith that I do today. I love Jesus more today because of what I went through. I just think “Whom have I in Heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You.”

Thank you for sharing your testimony with us Sarah. It is obvious that the Spirit of God was so active in your life, using the Scriptures to communicate Christ’s love and power.

My prayer is that Sarah’s story will strengthen you through any trial you experience and the scriptures she referenced will be a valuable tool for you when desiring to minister to other sisters in Christ facing difficult times.

Update: A couple weeks after writing this testimony, the Lord allowed Sarah to  miscarry your second baby. Her thoughts and pain regarding her recent trial have been heavily influenced by her past experience and confidence in the Lord’s goodness.  Her faith in the Lord’s love for her has grown tremendously through these trials. Please pray for the Lord’s blessing on her womb and that she would soon enjoy the blessing of a healthy baby.

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