Life Lessons From a Head of Cabbage
At the beginning of most dating relationships, there are a series of conversations that take place in which each person shares some basic facts about themselves. You know, sort of like playing twenty questions…Topics range from where they grew up, favorite sports teams, and activities they enjoy. Somewhere along the way you learn what their favorite food is so that you can either:
- Take them out to a special dinner featuring that favorite food.
- Attempt to make it for them!
Something that may not come up in these lengthy Q & A sessions are the foods that either of you cannot, will not, will in fact refuse under any circumstances to eat.
This, my friends, is a VERY important discussion to have!
Take it from my experience:
The Date: March something, 2009. I was single, living in my first apartment, obsessed with Food Network and finding pretty much any recipe on their website that was healthy and fairly inexpensive to make.
The Guest: James Turner- the guy in my singles small group at church who I had been dating for maybe a month at the time-who could have guessed he would eventually become my husband!
James enjoyed my cooking experiments thus far and I knew he mentioned he liked Chinese. Perfect! I thought… I knew just the thing to make!
The Recipe: Sesame Shrimp Fried Rice with Cabbage
As we sat down to eat our dinner that day, I beamed. The finished product actually looked like something you would get at a restaurant! Surely this meal would satisfy our take-out craving. Even better, it would be healthier! Only I had to know that it hadn’t taken more than a few dollars to make.
Mission Accomplished.
With an empty bowl at the end of the meal I went to collect James’ as well. As I cleaned everything up in the kitchen, I noticed the serving bowl was still pretty full of the Shrimp Fried Rice. Great! I thought: we can have left-overs when he comes over tomorrow! I packed the remains of the dish away and thought nothing more of it until I pulled it out of the fridge the next day. I warmed and served it up the following night. This time, though, I noticed James wasn’t making as much progress eating the meal as I was.
“What’s the matter?” I asked. “Is everything okay?”
“Oh, the rice is really good. I’m just not a big fan of cabbage.”
I was disappointed. Not just because James didn’t like the meal, but more importantly, if I had known I could have avoided including cabbage in the recipe altogether.
Needless to say there was a lot that I learned from this experience.
Lesson #1: Get to know whom you’re cooking for!
I learned that James isn’t the kind of person that would be so blunt as to tell you that he couldn’t stand something. Especially knowing how much I had put into making this meal. Rather than say anything, he chose to eat around the pieces of cabbage and wasn’t going to say a word.
If I had only known he wasn’t a cabbage kind of guy-or even that most people (outside of my family) weren’t big fans of the food, I could have spared us both the disappointment!
It was remarkable to me that James was willing to put his own tastes aside in order to show his appreciation -even a second time (as if the first cabbage dinner wasn’t bad enough)!
I soon after re-gained my courage to try another recipe out on him-avoiding cabbage at all costs!
Lesson #2: Frugal Fail!
When it came down to it for this recipe, the only element James didn’t care for was the cabbage. If I knew then what I know now, spending a few extra dollars would have made this meal so much better!
In my effort to keep it frugal, I completely failed!
I learned a meal is no longer “frugal” when the money saved compromises the enjoyment.
Remember: Saving money is a wonderful thing-but it is not the only thing.
Lesson #3: When in doubt, ask.
Now that we are married, I’ve learned to ask him:
“Straight up now tell me, do you really want to eat this meal again (oh oh oh)…”
Okay, maybe not in the fashion of Paula Abdul exactly, but I do ask him directly if he liked the meal I made. By asking, I allow him the opportunity to give his honest opinion without worrying about hurting my feelings. Brace yourselves ladies-you have to be prepared for any response or suggestions he might give!
When the response is a “Yes.” I can hardly contain my excitement! It brings me great joy to know that the meal I made was pleasing to him. If its obvious that he enjoyed it, I know that I can include this dish on our “menu” on a regular basis.
Now, if he isn’t crazy about the meal, that’s okay. He might be able to suggest some ways it could taste better. This could be anything from using a different seasoning, adding in a little something extra, or even substituting an ingredient out to better suit his preferences.
Take it as constructive criticism, and don’t let it keep you from getting creative in the kitchen!
What can I say, I never expected to get “schooled” by a head of cabbage! But hey, we’ve learned to “keep it real” in our house. It keeps me joyful in my endeavors, and keeps James well fed 
Join me in the coming weeks as I share: No-Fail Frugal tips, delicious recipes for Spring, and more!
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That is a sweet story Julie! I especially like the Paula Abdul part… I laughed out loud. Anyway, Richard rarely says anything about a meal unless I specifically ask him, but I can usually tell if he likes it or not. He is so vocal when he likes something that silence usually means it was a flop!