So I Married a Sinner…

Jul 21, 2011 by desiringvirtue

You remember that day when you gleefully skipped (OK, marched) down the isle with butterflies filing your stomach. Your sweet and perfect fiancé was grinning from ear to ear and you enthusiastically vowed to love on another until death do you part. There you were, fully aware that you were marrying a sinner and that one day his sins would rear their ugly heads, but confident that your love and theology would guide you through such tumultuous and rare occasions. You knew that you too would sin against him, and yet in your heart of hearts also assumed that he would be the perfect spiritual leader who would confront you with patience, grace, and humility.

Days turn quickly into months and months turn into years. Suddenly you find your relationship is characterized by a struggle with sin because each of you are characterized by a struggle with sin. Yes, you have a deep, wonderful love and yes you know all the right doctrine, but something else is lacking. There is a practical application of that love and theology that isn’t quite hitting the mark. You want to grow closer to one another as you each grow closer to Christ, but sometimes it is hard to know exactly how to do that.

You want to challenge and encourage your spouse in his sanctification and yet it can be so difficult to do so without offending, without hurting.

You want your husband to be brave and loving enough to confront you when needed, but every time he steps out on a limb you self righteously cut him down.

The gospel of Jesus Christ contains power for our marriages. It contains hope for our sin laden lives and thus hope  for all our marital sin struggles.

When Sinners Say “I DO” is a wonderful resource for Christians husbands and wives who are seeking to deal purposefully and honestly with the sin they must face day in and day out. It is a gospel saturated book written for those who are willing to admit that their marriages are not perfect, but who desire to, by God’s grace, grow in marital unity and Christian maturity.

In his honest and sometimes humorous writing, Dave Harvey, brings the simple skirmishes of day to day life and puts them under a microscope of grace. What did that tiff reveal about your heart? About your husband’s heart? Why were you so provoked by such a small offense? How do you run to Christ during such situations? What do the sin struggles that your spouse wars against with say about him? Are you being judgmental or self righteous toward his struggles? Are you being ungracious? How should you react to his sin? How do you best help him in his pursuit of righteousness? These are all practical questions that every married woman asks (or needs to ask) when faced with the inherent sin that pervades her and her husbands lives. These are questions that Dave Harvey answers very well.

He doesn’t do so by offering some magical answer to your marital strife, but instead shows you how the grace of God comes to bear in all the difficult situations you find your marriage overcome by. He shows you how to practically accept the powerful grace of God for your marriage and how to give the grace of God to your spouse. Chapter by chapter he reveals how your view of God and the gospel affects how you view every situation you could find your marriage in (even some of the worst imaginable). What greater source of help could there be for those of us who desire only to lift our marriages and our husbands up to holy heights.

I highly recommend When Sinners Say “I Do” as a fitting companion to What Did You Expect? by Paul David Tripp. Both books have a similar thrust and purpose, yet both of the authors have a unique writing stile and offer helpful insights into the heart of this wonderful union of two sinners reaching toward holiness. They have both been a tremendous blessing to me as I have recently been challenged to deal open and honestly with my own sin before rushing to deal with my dear husband’s. I am seeing how marriage truly is this incredible instrument the Lord uses to chisel away the dross of this world and prepare us for his heavenly kingdom.

What a blessing that we are able to walk hand in hand with our husbands to the very gates of Heaven, each being refined day after day into the image of Christ!

Related: Selfish Love

If this is your first time to visit Desiring Virtue you may want to join our growing community of passionate homemakers by "liking" DV on Facebook, following DV on Twitter, or subscribing to DV's email delivery via Feedburner.