The Law’s Role in Grace Parenting
“People frequently ask if I expected my children to become believers. I usually reply that the gospel is powerful and attractive. It uniquely meets the needs of fallen humanity. Therefore, I expected that God’s Word would be the power of God to salvation for my children, But that expectation was based on the power of the gospel and its suitability to human need, not on a correct formula for producing children who believe.
The central focus of parenting is the gospel. You need to direct not simply the behavior of your children, but the attitudes of their hearts. You need to show them not just the “what ” of their sin and failure, but the “why.” Your children desperately need to understand not only the external “what” they did wrong, but also the internal “why” they did it. You must help them see that God works from the inside out. Therefore, your parenting goal cannot simply be well-behaved children. your children must also understand why they sin and how to recognize internal change.
Parents sometimes give children a keepable standard. Parents think that if there children aren’t Christians, they can’t obey God from the heart anyway. For example, the Bible says to do good to whose who mistreat you. But when children are bullied in the school yard, parents tell them to ignore the bully. Or worse, parents tell them to hit others when they are hit first.
This non-biblical counsel drives children away from the cross. It doesn’t take grace from God to ignore the oppressor. It doesn’t take supernatural grace to stand up for your rights. To do good to oppressors, however, to pray for those who mistreat you, to entrust yourself to the just Judge, requires a child to come fact-to-face with the poverty of his own spirit and his need of the transforming power of the gospel.
The law of God is not easy for natural man. Its standard is high and cannot be achieved apart from God’s supernatural grace. God’s law teaches us our need of grace. When you fail to hold out God’s standard, you rob your children of the mercy of the gospel.” (Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp)
You may also want to read: Gospel Parenting… Old, But New
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Not directly related to your post, but I just have to say that I LOVE that picture!
Thank you, Jessalyn! I feel like poor Ted Tripp has really been thrown under the bus lately! These two books (Give Them Grace & Shepherding a Child’s Heart), I think, complement each other so well.
It’s not Mr. Tripp’s fault that we all missed the grace portions of his book and held onto the practical tips! It’s ours!
Yes, I agree Katie. I think these two books are both very important. While I feel that “Give Them Grace” emphasized the overriding need to be filling every moment of every day with the gospel atmosphere, “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” gives you imperative practical advice on how to do that (something that I would have appreciated more of in “Give Them Grace”). I agree that they complement each other very well. They also balance each other very well, which I think is important. And yes, when writing to a Christian audience you would assume that the gospel would permiate their line of thinking (as I am sure Tripp did), but I guess with our idolatrous hearts you can never be reminded of the grace of God enough!
Oh man, I *really* want to read this book! Thanks for posting the quote!