Crumbs on the Toaster
I stood in my kitchen looking at the mess of crumbs on our toaster. I giggled inside as I thought about the fact that this little mess didn’t even bother my husband. In fact, I am pretty sure that its need for a deep cleaning was the last thing on his radar. It was at that moment that I was reminded of a story I once read. I forget exactly what book it came from, but it is one of those stories that stuck with me.
There was a woman who, in an effort to please her husband, asked if there was anything specific he would like her to do around the house that she hadn’t already been doing. She was a good housekeeper and their home was generally clean on most days. Without hesitation he said, “The dust on top of the fridge. It is terrible.” Since their wedding day she had kept a tidy home, but had never thought to clean the top of the fridge because she could not see it. Her husband however, who was a tall man, could see it every day; it wasn’t important to her, but it was to him.
I like to get down to the nitty gritty when I’m cleaning. To me it is more important to make sure the furniture is dusted than to pick up a few scattered toys left out by my children. My husband is the exact opposite. He is just fine with the dust that accumulates on a daily basis, but feels noticeably uncomfortable when things are out of order.
This battle of priorities has been a real struggle for me. I have had to learn (and am still learning) to defer to his preferences rather than my own. If I have to choose between doing the dishes or picking up the pile of paper I left on the desk, I will usually choose the dishes because it seems to be a more pressing matter (after all we need clean dishes to eat off of and they really stink!). What I should be thinking is “When Richard gets home, what decision will allow him to rest and relax better” In our home this means that I need to make sure to pick up the papers I left on the desk before worrying about the dishes. This is not only a way to defer to my husband’s tastes, but in so doing a way to honor him as the head of our home.
For some husbands crumbs on the toaster would be a pet peeve, but to my husband they mean nothing. So I am learning to accept them when necessary, knowing that my goal is to put others before myself, even in the simple tasks of homemaking.
Is there anything that you and your husband don’t agree on when it comes to the household duties? How are you learning to defer to your husband’s desires, or for that matter anyone else’s?
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My husband likes to have the house vacuumed everyday, whereas I perfer to do it every second day. A few bits of fluff (from the cat) doesn’t worry me, but I do try and do it daily to please him. If I don’t do it, he will often do it himself after work, something I prefer he doesn’t. Whereas he never notices the dust and I do:). We are all different!
That is the worst, when they start doing something when they come home! Not because I don’t appreciate my husband’s help, but because I don’t want him to feel as though he needs to do housework when he gets home. Thanks for sharing Jo!
Yikes! This was a little difficult to read. Lol What you’re saying is right, but in ‘this day & age’ it’s so hard not to get sucked into believing that if he’s not perfect, why should I even try?
I try to always have the kitchen clean before going to bed. When I come downstairs, it never fails that my husband has left a mess from making his breakfast, grabbing a snack to go, his vitamins left out, cabinets left opened & whatever else he rummaged through in a hurry before he leaves for work. I used to (a.k.a. up until last week) get so irritated that he would leave his mess out for me to wake up to & clean up, just because he was in a rush!
And then I was convicted… He is making this mess, because he was going to WORK & I was still asleep in bed! Ugh! Could he wake up earlier so he would have time to clean up more? Yes, but since it takes 5 minutes & little effort to clean up… I am just, if not MORE, capable of doing it myself!
Thanks for this reminder, because I really should be LOOKING for other ways to be helpful!