Dear ______________,
Let me get a few things out of the way before I begin. I have no hidden agenda in writing you today. I desperately want for you to choose not to abort your baby, but I hope my desire to persuade you will not keep you from reading the following letter. After all, no matter who you come to for counsel, whether they are pro-life or pro-choice, they will indeed be working to persuade you one way or the other. In our country–at this time–it is up to you to weigh the arguments, the proof, and the motives of those seeking to affect the future of your body and the baby you are carrying. I pray that you will read the words written below and understand them to be the honest, loving, and gentle plea of a fellow woman who wants the best for you and for your baby.
From the moment I knew there was an abortion debate, I knew I was pro-life. My understanding of the Lord’s creative work in each individual life and his love for every one of his unique creations initially lead me to value the unborn. As I became more educated in the subject of biology and the scientific evidence for this exact truth–that at the moment of conception a never-before-existing and a never-again-repeatable human being begins his or her life–my conviction solidified. As I grew in my understanding of abortion techniques and procedures my disgust for this “choice” a mother could make reached new heights surpassed only by the emotions that grew out of my own experiences as a mother to those born and those unborn.
You see, I am the mother of 5 unique human beings, but only three are with me today. I have walked through two miscarriages since being married to my husband and because of these experiences I feel uniquely qualified to address you who are contemplating ending your own pregnancy and thus ending the life of your own unborn child. Not because I am so heartbroken to have had children taken from me and believe that you therefore shouldn’t willfully give up your child, but because the reality of a living human life at such early stages of development is something that pro-choicers would have you overlook. They would rather you ignorantly view your baby as a “blob of tissue” or worse, as a “parasite you didn’t ask for” so that you can numbly walk into an abortion clinic and sentence your own developing baby to death without remorse.
But I, like so many others, have experienced the pain of a tiny, unborn baby’s life slipping away at a mere 6 weeks gestation. I have seen, with my own eyes, and held with my trembling hands the body of a baby at 15 weeks gestation and have been forever convinced of her obvious humanity. I have seen what the abortionist will keep you from seeing, because the knowledge that you purposefully and willfully ended a precious life would be too much to bear, though I daresay you will at some time experience such grief despite his best efforts.
My first pregnancy ended at 6 weeks, though I didn’t find out until my 8 week doctors appointment. I went to the doctor that day hoping to see and hear what women affronted by pro-life sonogram laws would rather you not see or hear–a grainy, black and white image of my tiny baby and a life-proving heart beat. When I looked at that computer screen I did see the beautiful silhouette of an unborn child (who looks more like a precious gummy bear at that point), but my first child’s life had already ended; there was no heart beat to be heard. Within a few days I went through the terrible agony of physically losing the baby within me. As my body voluntarily expelled what doctors would refer to as mere “tissue” I was keenly aware that I was not just losing a pregnancy; I was losing a child, however small it was at the time.
Three years later I held a tiny, lifeless little girl in my arms. I was utterly stunned by how developed she was. She had been conceived a mere 15 weeks earlier and yet here she was, a miniature baby, beautiful in every respect. I had feared that I would find my baby’s appearance gross or unrecognizable at such an early stage of development, but instead I was overwhelmed by love for this baby girl. I wish I could explain to you in this letter just how obvious her humanity was. Her tiny upturned nose and delicate toes were perfect in every way. Her little hands were hardly bigger than a Barbie doll’s and yet her fingers already had fingernails. It was incredible to imagine how she had so recently been moving around within me, kicking, swimming and perhaps sucking on those very fingers I was now resting on my own. Though her development was forever halted at 15 weeks, this fetus, this baby was a human being. Though she had much developing yet to do, she had been a living, developing human just days before. How precious was her life! How precious your baby’s life is.
What I hope to impress upon you today is the gravity of the decision you must now make as a woman who has conceived a life. In your body you are carrying a unique human being who will never exist again. From the moment of her conception, your baby’s DNA and gender were set and she is rapidly developing within you. Every day she (or he for that matter) makes monumental strides in preparing to enter our world. The decision you must make is whether you will allow that life to continue to grow or whether you will end it. That baby’s life is at the mercy of your decision, and a person’s future is to be determined in these critical moments. Don’t allow yourself to be deceived, it is not just a pregnancy you are ending, it is not just a problem you are getting rid of. No, it is a human life, no matter how small it is at this point that you are killing. Where life once was, it will be no more, and you will never be able to bring it back.
It is my heartfelt prayer that you will allow that precious life to continue to grow within you. I beg you to give that baby the opportunity to continue living. I plead with you, don’t cut his or her life short.
Beautifully written and brought tears to my eyes as I remember how my husband and I lost a baby in 1999 at 6 weeks. God bless us in October 2000 with the sweetest boy in the world, our son Caleb! We never knew the sex of the child we lost, but in our hearts we felt the baby was a girl and we named her Lindsay. She’s waiting for us in heaven.
So, in a case where a woman (or even a child – many girls start menstrual cycles at the age of 12 or 13, even earlier for some) had been raped by an stranger or molested by a family member against their will, and therefore will suffer psychologically for who knows how long, and possibly resent the child after birth, giving that child no form of a healthy life or relationship with their mother, what then? Would you say for her to keep the baby but give it up for adoption? Not everyone can retain strength after such an incident. Not everyone has spiritual guidance or access to counsel. However I completely agree with continuing pregnancy after conceiving a child due to premarital and consensual sex – that is a responsibility. However, there are some cases where I find that a little hard to swallow.
Rebecca,
That is a very valid question you raise. I can’t imagine the emotional agony of that happening to anyone, let alone to me personally. But if you believe that there is life at conception (and despite what scientists say, I can’t understand how you can believe any other way SCIENTIFICALLY) then the question that MUST be asked before yours is answered is who are we to determine why a person lives or doesn’t live? We cannot predict the future. We have no idea if that baby will be given up for adoption to the most loving parents imaginable. We have no idea if when that baby is born the birth mother will feel an overwhelming sense of love for the child that the rest doesn’t matter. We also have no idea if the birth mother will have resentment or emotional problems like you said. But that is not the way we treat people outside of the womb. To say that I cannot handle emotionally the existense of this person sounds absurd putting it into those terms, but why does that view change to a person inside the womb? This is how every human being was created. Everyone came from the womb of a mother. To answer my question myself would be in the case of life endagerment. If a person is threatening your life I believe in self defense or the defense for others. But this person inside your womb is not threatening your life (except in the case of ectopic pregnancy where neither you OR the baby could live). So do you think another life is worth another person’s peace of mind? The only thing that baby has done is exist? Once again, your question is a good one, but this is what you are really asking and this is what really needs to be answered.
I completely agree with you Jessica. Thank you for your gentle and to the point response.
Hello Rebecca. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and question to this post. I appreciate your kindness even as you challenge the extent to where my logic should be taken. I completely agree that this is a painful and emotionally tragic situation. I do not, however, believe that the circumstances in which a person is conceived alter their humanity and thus do not believe that their life is any less valuable than a child conceived through a loving relationship. Because of this, I must stand firmly and always counsel a mother, no matter how young or in what circumstance her baby was conceived to allow her child to continue developing within her. I have written an article on this very matter explaining my line of thinking in greater detail. You can find it by clicking on this link. Thank you for thoughtfully considering my arguments.
This is beautiful. I teared up reading about your precious babies and then teared up more thinking of the numerous other babies who didn’t have anyone care and love them. Mothers protect their young. We go to any lengths to provide for and give our children every good thing. I pray that one day every mother would do that for their babies, whether they are still in the womb or not.
Jessalynn, you write so beautifully. So poignant and in your face, but at the same time very heartfelt and real. You don’t let us off the hook, but you do it graciously. You and I have shared such similar experiences in this area. It’s true that it’s just comforting to know someone else has also walked yoru path. Thank you for this post and your words on a somewhat important day for me
I JUST NOW READ THIS. YOU HAVE PUT INTO WORDS WHAT I FELT FOR YEARS. WE TOO HELD A LITTLE BABY AT ALMOST 20 WEEKS AND THEN FELT THE GRIEF OF ANOTHER BABY AROUND 12 WEEKS. THANK YOU FOR SO GENTLY AND TRUTHFULLY SHARING.