Rachel’s Story of Grace

Apr 12, 2012 by desiringvirtue

When I was growing up, my parents faithfully took my brother and me to church. I was familiar with the Bible, and I remember praying and talking about it at home with my family. But the truth is–I didn’t love God. I only prayed to Him when I was in the middle of a crisis; the rest of the time I lived as if He didn’t exist, and I was comfortable that way. You see, I believed I was going to Heaven because I had “sealed the deal”–I had prayed and asked Jesus to “save me”–but I had no idea what that meant or what I needed to be saved from.

When I was about ten, my parents suddenly divorced and left the church. It was a horrible custody fight, and my younger brother and I were split up. I stayed with my mom and watched her enter both a dark depression and a new marriage to an abusive man. By the time I was 13, she had three more children.

Because I was so much older than the three youngest, I became sort of a second mom. I spent a lot of time taking care of them, and almost felt a maternal love toward them. The new marriage was a violent and unpredictable one; we often didn’t have enough food to eat, and lots of nights were filled with watching drunkenness and violence or attempting to prevent suicide. Many nights I spent alone watching the children, wondering if this would be the night my mom would never come home.

But this started turning me toward God. My parents and church had laid a foundation for God’s existence during my younger years, even though I didn’t have a daily relationship with Him yet. In my desperation I prayed for His help.

When I was 13, and my youngest siblings were 2, 1, and 3 months old, we were taken from our home–by accident, actually–by Child Protective Services. Of course, we really were in a dangerous situation, but I didn’t see that then. To me this was the worst possible thing that could happen: everything I depended on was lost–my family, my home, my clothing, and most of my other possessions. I left our house with two plastic bags of belongings, and though the police said we’d probably go back home next week, I never went back.

The police took us to another city, where we spent time in a children’s shelter before being put in foster homes. I was in a new city, my mom and stepfather were in jail, and I had to switch schools twice. So much had changed, but I thought, “At least I still have my sisters. I still have something to hold on to from my life.”

Then we were all split up.

On the day I found out we would be split up, I wrote this in my journal: “Everything in my life is being taken away. Maybe God is teaching me to trust in Him.” He impressed upon me the fact that I was not alone; and that though everything else important to me was gone, He still remained.

One of my sisters went to live with a very nice family, who invited me to both their home and to their church. But it took a while for me to agree to go with them. I didn’t want to join a social club, and I had been to church before; so far I didn’t see the benefit in it. Besides, I had plenty to keep me busy and distracted: new friends, boys, acting in plays, music. I had become pretty independent, and was back to not caring about God.

But I eventually agreed to go. And when I first attended the youth group, I began to understand the gospel for the first time. I suddenly had a spiritual hunger I had never had before; and I saw how the people loved me. People were so compassionate and genuine toward me; they became my family when I had none, and I could really tell that God loved me because they did. These people became instruments of His to show me His love and share with me the hope of the Bible. In particular, the youth pastor and his family picked me up from my foster home every Sunday for church, and during the week had me over to teach me about the Bible and theology.

They showed me from Scripture that I was and am a sinner, naturally rebellious against our holy and perfect God, and that I needed to be saved from the righteous and just punishment I deserved. The Bible said I could never do enough good to please God and go to Heaven; that I needed a substitute–someone who had never sinned–to live and die in my place so I could have peace with God. That person was “God with us”–God in the flesh–Jesus Christ. The book of Isaiah puts it this way: “He was wounded for our transgressions; He was pierced for our iniquities.”

God’s justice and mercy met at the cross. My sins were punished and forgiven by Christ’s sinless death, and my righteousness was earned by His perfect life. And through His resurrection, I too was spiritually raised to a new life of growing to be more like Him, for His glory. I read that those who trust in Him for their righteousness before God, and turn from their own ways, are forgiven and given the gift of eternal life.

Now I could just close here, because having peace with God is the ultimate blessing of my life; but there are so many other ways God was gracious to me, and I want to mention a few.

God provided me with a family. An older couple in the church took me to live with them until I went to college. They sent me to a Christian school, got me braces, and treated me as if I were theirs. They showed me what a good marriage was, and God used them greatly in my life.

But it was really tough at first. Becoming a family overnight with people you’ve never lived with before is hard work! I was still so independent and didn’t get why I had to be home for family dinnertime, why they didn’t want me to wear tight clothes anymore, etc… But God taught all of us a lot and used it to draw us all closer to Him.

Also, through my situation with the government (being, technically, a “ward of the state”), God provided all the money for me to attend a private Christian college I had longed to go to–The Master’s College. I majored in Biblical Counseling and learned even more about the hope we have in Jesus Christ: hope that surpasses our past; hope that is not grounded in ourselves or in our circumstances, but in the life, death, resurrection and ongoing intercession of Jesus Christ. God brought many amazing professors and friends to me there — people who encouraged me in my relationship with the Lord and helped me to grow in spiritual maturity. I also met my future husband there. And now, years later, I have the privilege of teaching our two young children about Christ’s all-sufficient grace.

I pray I can relate to the rest of my original family God’s love and grace in my life. The situation is still a painful and challenging one, but I have seen God redeem so much of it. I know He will continue to do so.

Now, it’s easy to read a “messy” testimony like this and totally miss the point. I know I often make much of the drama someone’s experienced, while minimizing the ultimate purpose of God through it. So, let me clarify: My past was painful. But there was a greater evil at work than my past, a greater evil than what I had suffered. This greater evil was my own heart, my own rebellion against God that I had lived in all my life; my determination to have my own way at all times. God stripped me of what I valued most – my family and familiar life – to get me alone, away from everything I depended on, to show me how needy and weak I really was apart from Him. He used pain to bring me to my knees and show me what I really needed.

My greatest need was not to be restored to my family, but to be restored to God. And now I was, through Jesus Christ. And as Romans 8 says, “Nothing at all can separate us from the love of God.”

Rachel is the wife of Joel, a student at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, and the mother of two adorable children Jack and Katy Grace.

This post is lined up at Grace Laced, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, and Raising Homemakers

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When There is No Earthly Joy to Be Found, There is Christ: Our Supreme Joy

Jan 19, 2012 by desiringvirtue

It Is Well With My Soul

By Horatio Spafford (A man acquainted with grief)

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, it is well,
With my soul, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath she’d His own blood for my soul.

It is well, It is well,
With my soul, with my soul
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
It was nailed trough his cross, and I bear it no more,
Bless the Lord, bless the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, It is well
With my soul, with my soul
It is well, it is well, with my soul

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

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When God Asks You For Your Isaac

Nov 9, 2011 by desiringvirtue

I could hear an audible sob from my husband, but couldn’t bear to look back at him. My eyes wouldn’t move from that computer screen, the screen projecting our lifeless baby girl. In grainy black and white we watched as the technician traced his mouse over her tiny, motionless heart. I struggled as tears fell from my eyes and my chest began to heave.

A baby girl.

How often I had hoped and dreamed of raising a daughter, a woman I could disciple in the ways of Biblical femininity, a little girl who’s hair I could braid and decorate with ribbon, a baby who would wear sun dresses in the summer and tights in the winter. But none of that mattered for those few minutes in that dark room. All that mattered was that she was dead, my little baby was dead.

Sleepless nights, hopeless days, blood shot eyes and puffy red faces: tokens of a sorrow running deep within our souls. And yet beneath the wavy, turbulent surface of our lives there rested a deep and abiding Spirit, a Comforter who anchored our faith.

“Will you give me your little girl?” I kept hearing those words over and over again.

With trembling lips and a frail countenance I offered her up to him as often as he asked; “Yes Lord, she is yours, I give her freely.”

Some wonder at our devotion to a God who would take something so precious from us, who would allow us so much hurt. Others look at us as spiritual giants who seem to possess such incredible faith. And all I can reply to both is, “How could we not love him? How could we not be completely devoted to the one who has given everything for us?”

If you truly met this Savior who loves his redeemed so deeply and serves them so faithfully, if you could see his blood stained brow, his nail pierced hands, his bleeding side, and you could hear him say he did it all for you, you too would give him everything, you would give him anything.

It is in these moments when I feel I can taste the devotion, wrought by the Spirit of God, tested by trials and upheld by his faithfullness, that Christian maturity longs for. It is at times like this that I can faintly taste the faith of our father Abraham, a man willing to do the unthinkable, because he trusted in the goodness of our God.

These most vulnerable of times, these most humble of moments seem to lift us to the highest of heights. We seem to almost feel God’s overwhelming presence. When our lives are stripped bare and we are left with Job’s bewildering poverty there is nothing to be seen but the fortitude of our faith, nothing but the grace of God bracing our frail spirits.

It seems that love is proven not in the heights of ecstasy, but in the pits of despair, when there seems to be no visible reason to give God our affections at all. Here in the pit of loss and longing our love is tested and tried. Here we are proven to be his beloved children, those who have been transformed by the inner working of the Holy Spirit, slowly being fashioned into the image of his Son.

And how brightly the Son shines in the darkness of despair. How lovely does he appear to his bride when she needs him the most, when she is shivering with grief. He, who cares so deeply for our every hurt, our every pain, carries us through such difficult times-times when our legs give way and we fear we will never again walk back into the light.

No, when he asked for my little girl, for my Anastasia, I couldn’t deny him. I could only thank him for the honor and blessing of carrying her for 17 weeks and then give back what was never truly mine to begin with.

When he asked me if I loved him, I could only respond with “How could I not?”

Related Posts: One Picture, The Lord Gives and The Lord Takes Away, The Joys and Sorrows of Miscarriage

Linking this post up at: Time Warp Wife and Raising Homemakers

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When Holiness Seems Too Far Away

Jul 29, 2011 by desiringvirtue

Many of us are familiar with the classic Disney movie The Lion King. If you aren’t or it’s been a while, here is brief synopsis:

When Simba (the young lion cub) leaves his home in fear and shame after his father’s tragic death (which he thinks he is responsible for), he is befriended by two comedic characters who convince him to live a life of “no worries” and “no responsibilities.” He quickly (within the time it takes to sing a song) learns to enjoy his new found freedom and forgets his past life as the son of a king. His life is “problem free” until one night when Simba gets a visit from a pesky monkey who wants him to return to his old life and take his place as king. Simba is unmoved by his entreaties, until the monkey (a sort of tribal shaman) summons his father’s spirit to have a little one-on-one conversation with the rebellious should-be king. Mufasa (Simba’s father) proceeds to give his son a pep talk from the clouds. This spiritual visitation does the trick and sends Simba racing home to fight off an evil villain and take back his rightful place as king.

Despite the obviously disturbing departure from Biblical truth inherent in a dead father’s spirit visiting his son (I mean come on, we are already outside the realm of reality what with all the talking and singing animals), there is a very touching conversation that happens between Simba and his father. Listen in with me:

Mufassa: Simba, you have forgotten me.

Simba: No, how could I?

Mufassa: You have forgotten who you are and so forgotten me. Look inside yourself Simba, you are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life.

Simba: How can I go back? I’m not who I used to be.

Mufasa: Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember…

Upon watching this scene recently I was struck by how similar God’s entreaties are to us. So often we find ourselves in moments of temptation, moments when we desire to give in to sin, moments when we give in to sin. It seems as though our entire lives as Christians are spent in a struggle against our “old self.” As Elizabeth Prentiss wrote in her book Stepping Heavenward, “the road to heaven is uphill.”

At times it is tempting to give in, or to give up. Those selfish, angry words slip past your tongue once more. That lustful or envious thought takes hold of your mind for the day. You react quickly and harshly to your disobedient child. You fight against your husband’s authority with a hasty word. Back in the pit you go, drudging around in the slop of your old life; the life of an unregenerate person. In so many small, sinful choices you make light of the gift of grace and take advantage of the mercy shown to you.

It is in these moments, when our sin seems to have mastered us and holiness seems too far away, that God desires for us to remember who we truly are in Christ. We may feel as though we are powerless or that the situation is just too difficult, but God calls us to lay hold of our true identity as redeemed people. We must remember that we are his children now and have been given new natures!

“How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life… We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin… So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal bodies, to make you obey their passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments of unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you ar enot under law but under grace.” (Selections from Romans 6)

We, who were once slaves to sin are now free! Our very souls have been loosed from the shackles of sin’s dominion. Christ, through his perfect life, sacrificial death, and powerful resurrection has raised our dead souls and given them true, everlasting life.

When we give in to sin, we are giving in to a nature that  no longer has power over us. Yes, sin is still tempting, yes our flesh still cries out for it, but we needn’t give in, we needn’t give up. Christ has given us the ability to deny our flesh and the lure of sin.

But these are hard truths to remember in the heat of the moment and when you do, repeating them in your mind doesn’t necessarily activate some kind of magical transformation.

This is a state of mind that must be cultivated, a reality that must be sought after and worked out in our practical, everyday lives. Because we have not yet been glorified and are not yet with Christ in heaven, we must actively seek to live in a way that reflects our heavenly stature. Just look at some of the commands given to us in relation to living out our standing before God:

“Consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus” (Romans 6:11 ESV)

“Present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness” (Romans 6:13 ESV)

“Put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Ephesians 4:24 ESV)

These passages reveal an inner struggle to stand in the state of reconciliation that God has gifted us with. Daily, the task set before us is to live in the grace provided through the cross rather than in the sinful desires of our old life. It is an acceptance of what God has done for us, a willingness to allow him to have complete control. This is what theologians refer to as the “already, not yet” idea. We are indeed already completely justified and glorified with Christ in the heavenly places, and yet at the same time we struggle today against our old sinful ways.

The most wonderful news of all is that we need not look to ourselves (or “inside ourselves” as Mufasa told his son) for the strength and power to live out our redeemed identity, but rather we look to the one who has already done it, already lived a perfect, holy life. He lived that life, so that you and I could live in the abundance of his grace and reach for holiness ourselves. He died so that we could be forgiven for the times we fail and he was resurrected so that we could have the ability to choose righteousness over sin.

What marvelous grace there is for us in every moment of desperation! We need only reach out to Christ for the power to overcome even the most tempting of sins and he will provide the way of escape. Praise God for such a salvation! Praise God for such a Savior!

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Death and God

Mar 31, 2011 by desiringvirtue

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A Question from a Reader (…and a new friend):

I recently had another (this makes 4) friends from high school die. It wasn’t until I heard the Pastor at my friend’s funeral say “God didn’t want Cody to die at such a young age” that I realized I guess I believed God knew what was going to happen before it happens. I had no idea I thought that all this time, and then started questioning my whole belief system when it comes to death. I don’t believe God knows everything we’re going to do, we have to be left to make our own decisions (and hopefully the right decisions) otherwise you get into predestination etc… So I’ve completely confused myself and would love your input if you have the time! ~Lindsey

Dear Lindsey:

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend (and even friends) who died recently. The questions you raise about death and God’s knowledge are all very important and also very loaded. You are right to assume that what you believe about God’s knowledge effects what you believe about our “free will” and so on (because it does). All of these topics are intricately related to one another and usually what you believe about one leads you to have certain beliefs about another. The most important thing I can encourage you to do is let the Word of God itself speak to your concerns. It is easy to allow emotions, past experiences, even the opinions of your parents sway your understanding of God, but he should have the final say in what you believe about him. He has so graciously provided the Bible to us in order that we might know him and have a deep, knowledgeable relationship with him.

There are so many things that I would love to get into, but I think the two major thoughts you are having are: “Did God know that my friend was going to die?” and “Did God want him to die?” I will try to keep my response focused on these two questions, but will inevitably have to address the issue of God’s sovereignty and our responsibility.

The first passage of scripture that immediately came to mind when I read your question was Psalm 139. I would encourage you to take a little time to meditate on and pray through these first 18 verses. What truths about the Lord are being communicated?

“O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

 

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.

 

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

 

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.”

 

(Psalm 139:1-18 ESV)

 

From this passage of Scripture alone we can conclude three things:

1. God knows even the smallest aspects of our future (i.e. “Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.”)

2. God determines how long each of us will live (i.e. “in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”)

3. These truths bring great delight to David.

You are right to assume that God knew when your friend was going to die. God knows exactly how many days each of us will live. In fact he ordained the number of days by “writing it in his book”.

Throughout the Bible we are given examples of how the Lord is, what theologians call, omniscient (He knows everything). Events in our lives, or in the world for that matter, do not surprise God. He has a plan and we are all a part of that plan. Things do not happen randomly, or simply because a wrong choice was made by a sinful human. It is easier to believe that God uses good choices or events to accomplish his purposes, but it is somewhat more difficult to believe that he uses bad choices or events to accomplish his purposes.

There are two great examples in scripture of seemingly terrible things happening as a result of sinful human decisions. The first is the story of Joseph found in Genesis 37-45. In this Biblical account we see a man who had everything go wrong in his life. Not only did his brothers sell him into slavery, but he was wrongly imprisoned! After all of this happened, the Lord brought Joseph into a position of power in Egypt and he was able to provide food for his family who otherwise would have starved. When he revealed himself to his brothers (the very ones who sold him into slavery) he says these amazing words:

“I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God. He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt. “ (Genesis 45:4; Genesis 45:5-8 ESV)

Later, in chapter fifty, he reflects on these events and says “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” (Genesis 50:20 ESV) The point is that even though we make choices (in this case Joseph’s brothers made very sinful choices), God is ultimately in control of it all. Can you imagine what would have happened if God didn’t allow Joseph’s brothers to sin by selling their brother? If Joseph hadn’t been in those exact circumstances his whole family (including himself) would have died from the famine along with many other people. More importantly, the covenant God made with Abraham (to bless all the nations through his descendants) would not have come to fruition and Jesus, Josephs direct descendant would never have been born into the world. Of course this is an alternate reality that would never have happened because God is ultimately in control.

The second example we have in scripture of God controlling events through human choice is that of Jesus’ crucifixion. It was a series of sinful actions by sinful human beings that lead to the Son of God being nailed to a sinner’s cross. From the Jewish leaders to Pilate himself, all made choices that lead to our Savior’s death. Were those choices outside of God’s control? Jesus says absolutely not.

“So Pilate said to him, ‘You will not speak to me? Do you not know that I have authority to release you and authority to crucify you?’ Jesus answered him, ‘You would have no authority over me at all unless it had been given you from above. Therefore he who delivered me over to you has the greater sin.’”  (John 19:10; John 19:11 ESV)

Consider this prophesy found in Isaiah 53:

“Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him;

he has put him to grief;

when his soul makes an offering for guilt,

he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;

the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand.

Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied;

by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,

make many to be accounted righteous,

and he shall bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many,

and he shall divide the spoil with the strong,

because he poured out his soul to death

and was numbered with the transgressors;

yet he bore the sin of many,

and makes intercession for the transgressors.”

(Isaiah 53:10-12 ESV)

Then there are these accounts from the apostles:

“this Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men.” (Acts 2:23 ESV)

“for truly in this city there were gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place. “ (Acts 4:27-28 ESV)

Of course there are many other examples in the Bible of God orchestrating the events in our lives. For instance Romans 8:28 says this:

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.” (Romans 8:28-30 ESV)

From these texts and many more it is clear that God has ultimate control and ultimate knowledge of our lives. This does not, however diminish our ability to make decisions and our responsibility to live lives that please him. Though seemingly contradictory truths, the Bible claims that both are true. Here is an example of a seeming contradiction:

“choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15 ESV)

Here Joshua commands the people of Israel to “choose God”, but read these verses from Romans:

“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”

 

“Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive.” “The venom of asps is under their lips.” “Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.” “Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery, and the way of peace they have not known.” “There is no fear of God before their eyes.” (Romans 3:10-11; Romans 3:12-18 ESV)

These verses describing the utter depravity of man seem to indicate that we cannot (do not) choose God.

How do we reconcile these verses? Is God a god of contradiction? Does his word make sense? Ephesians 2 gives us a glimpse into the working of God within our very hearts:

“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:1-10 ESV)

Here Paul explains that God gives us the ability to “choose” him by regenerating our dead souls. This is the beauty of grace. We were once “dead in our trespasses and sins” constantly choosing the “course of this world” (these were real choices that we were making) until God intervened and gave us new natures. Now we have true freedom to choose to obey God rather than sin.

Now that is a little deeper than I wanted to get into the issue of our choices and God’s sovereignty, but I thought it might be helpful to explain how both human choices and God’s control exist together.

In answering the second question I posed “Did God want your friend to die?”, you have to consider two things. First, that God determined the number of your friends days, but also, you must consider that when God created humans he created them for life. Adam and Eve were created to live forever with God in the garden of Eden. It was only after sin entered the world that death entered the human race. Christ came to free us from the curse of death:

“For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the firstfruits, then at his coming those who belong to Christ. Then comes the end, when he delivers the kingdom to God the Father after destroying every rule and every authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. The last enemy to be destroyed is death. (1 Corinthians 15:20-26 ESV)

Sin and death are opposite of the very character of God. 1 John tells us that “God is light and in him is no darkness at all.” We are also told that Christ will be victorious over death in the coming age:

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4 ESV)

What we can glean from these truths is that God hates death in general. It is not his desire for any of us to die (we are his creation), but instead death is a direct result of our choice to sin (going all the way back to the garden of Eden).

So, although God appointed a particular time for your friend to die, it was not his desire for your friend to die. He was created for life just as every other human being was. As a result of sin, his flesh just like ours, was marred and destined for death.

It is through Jesus Christ and his redemptive work on the cross that we are able to once again experience eternal life with God in Heaven (the new Eden).

I hope that this was helpful to you. I tried to be thorough without creating many more question along the way. These truths are so beautiful. Knowing that God has a plan for our lives and a purpose for them gives us so much hope and peace (especially during trials). Your friend’s death has a purpose and that is an encouraging thought during a very sad time such as this.

How Would You Encourage This Sister In Christ?

Share your thoughts in the comments and please lift up Lindsey (and her friend’s family) in your prayers.

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The Thorn

Jan 21, 2011 by desiringvirtue

“I stood, a [beggar] of God, before His royal throne and begged Him for one priceless gift, which I could call my own. I took the gift from out His hand, but as I would depart I cried, ‘But Lord, this is a thorn and it has pierced my heart. This is a strange and hurtful gift which Thou hast given me.’ He said, ‘My child, I give good gifts. I gave My best to thee.’

I took it home. And though at first the cruel thorn hurt sore, as long years passed I learned at last to love it more and more. I learned He never gives a thorn without this added grace: He takes the thorn to pin aside the veil which hides His face.”

-Author Unknown

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One Picture

Jan 20, 2011 by desiringvirtue

Joy.

That little apartment was beaming with joy. Inside was a young wife who had just confirmed her suspicions-she was pregnant. Life was blossoming within her and she couldn’t contain the smile it produced on her lips.

“Hello little one,” she sang as she gently caressed her now precious belly.

How would she tell her Love? How should she share with him the most wonderful news of their lives?

She raced to the store to buy a statue of a man holding his newborn baby-she remembered her love admiring it before. Soon she was in her galley kitchen mixing the batter to a cake she would ice blue and pink. She quickly prepared the tiny home for her Love’s arrival, made their favorite dinner and queued the movie to just the right place.

There was his key in the door. That familiar sound sent excitement through her veins as she put on the most ordinary face possible.

“I want to eat in here tonight,” she said motioning into the living room where the baked tortellini was sending steam to the ceiling of the enchanted room.

“Ok, what are we watching?” His eyes moved from the little laptop screen to her coy face.

“Oh, I was watching Made for Each Other, do you want to keep watching?”

Always up for a Jimmy Stewart film, he settled into their couch and marveled at the cake. “Wow! What is the occasion?”

“No occasion, just felt like baking…” Did he not notice the color scheme? Oh never mind he will get it soon enough she said to herself.

The movie took up where she had stopped it: John Mason opens the note slipped to him by his wife and he slowly grasps that they are going to have a baby. As the couple on screen exchange bewildered expressions the little wife sitting next to her unsuspecting husband presented him with a gift. His confusion fell to the ground with the wrapping as he helds the final clue to his future.

“No way!”

“Yes.” She nodded her head through tears and they embraced. That night was filled with laughter and talk of the future. Images of a beautiful child flashed in their imaginations as they spoke of the experiences to come. They threw off any fears that some might suppose accompany such news and thanked their Heavenly Father for the gift of life produced through their love.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” -James 1:17

Their child was shrouded with prayer that night. That night in January of 2008.

Pain.

It wasn’t normal. Surely she shouldn’t be feeling like this. Is that blood?

“No, God, please no.” Tears formed pools of sadness in her eyes. She looked out the window and prayed to her Father, but in her heart she already knew what was going to happen.

The next day the young wife and her brave husband sat in a dark room next to the glow of a computer monitor showing their baby. Their precious baby, so small, so miraculous.

“It is hard to tell at this point,” the caring voice cautioned, “Usually there is a heart beat, but sometimes not yet.”

Not yet? Could the young wife cling to those words? “Can we have that picture?” she asked hesitantly.

One picture. One piece of evidence. Proof that a baby had existed. One glimpse into their possible future.

They left that room with uncertainty, but the next few days of anguish confirmed the young wife’s heart knowledge.

Her baby was taken from her. In a war of horrid pain her baby was snatched from her womb. Where life had once been, there was only stillness. In the final hours of February 25th the young mother and the young father she loved lost their baby. A still silence punctuated only by their soft whimpers filled their tiny apartment. Her mother, the bereaved grandmother, sat close by stunned by the utter sadness. What words were there to say?

Silence was broken by the young mother’s feeble words, “We should pray.” The young father, her love, lifted up their little family to their good God. They asked for peace, for comfort, for joy. They asked for clarity and trust. Their hearts cried out to the One who took their baby, the baby he had given them.

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” -Job 1:21

“Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” -Job 2:10

Sacrifice.

The pain didn’t go away. She carried it with her everywhere she went. It was heavy at first, strong like the waves of the ocean. Each baby she saw seemed to push her back down into memories of a lost future. Push, push, crash, crash. As she worshiped alongside other families on Sundays she silently cried, longing for what they had, longing for her baby, her lost baby.

But her pain wasn’t wasted. It wasn’t for nothing. Every tear, every longing was a sacrifice she offered up to her God, beautiful incense. She begged her Savior to teach her the lesson he intended for her to learn, that she would have the ears to hear it and the heart to grasp it. She gave him her pain and asked for his strength.

She asked him to be strong for her and he was.

“Who is like the LORD our God, who is seated on high,  who looks far down on the heavens and the earth?  He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap,  to make them sit with princes, with the princes of his people.  He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!” -Psalm 113:5-9

Every day she grew stronger and slowly the waves got smaller. The Lord brought new blessings into her life. She would never be the same. Her faith was deeper, more real than it had been. She walked through the fire of affliction and was more beautiful because of it. She loved her God with a more natural, more pure love. Her praises were filled with memories of of pain and deliverance; her testimony one that had been tried, tested. She was thankful, thankful for the pain.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” -James 1:2-4

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The Valley

Dec 20, 2010 by desiringvirtue

Lord High and Holy, Meek and Lowly,

Though hast brought me to the valley of vision,

where I live in the depths but see thee in the heights;

hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold thy glory.

 

Let me learn by paradox

that the way down is the way up,

that to be low is to be high,

that the broken heart is the healed heart,

that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,

that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,

that to have nothing is to possess all,

that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,

that to give is to receive,

that the valley is the place of vision.

 

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,

and the deeper the wells the brighter thy stars shine;

 

Let me find thy light in my darkness,

thy life in my death,

thy joy in my sorrow,

thy grace in my sin,

thy riches in my poverty

thy glory in my valley.

~The Valley of Vision

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The Resurrected Life

May 18, 2010 by desiringvirtue

“For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we shall certainly be united with him in a resurrection like his. We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.” ~Romans 6:5-11

Last week was hard.

Pregnancy was weighing.

Elliot was crying.

I was tired.

Elliot was teething.

I was frustrated.

Elliot was screaming.

I cried.

Then I read this post and was reminded of my Savior.

I was reminded of Romans 6:5-11 and Colossians 3:1-4.

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” ~Colossians 3:1-4

The Holy Spirit made my spirit rejoice when I didn’t want to.

My heart found its footing at the side of my resurrected King.

My God reminded me of my resurrection.

And that was more than enough.

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The Joys and Sorrows of Miscarriage

Sep 16, 2009 by desiringvirtue

You may not know that before being pregnant with Elliot, I miscarried our first baby. The miscarriage was THE most horrible and difficult trial of my life. Yet, through it all, in our greatest weakness the Lord gave Richard and I the joy and strength that we lacked. Our faith was never more real than in those most horrible moments. When you miscarry, the pain does not end after your baby leaves your body; it continues for days, months, and even years after. One of the greatest blessings a woman can be given during this time is the knowledge that someone else knows exactly how she feels. Knowing that another woman has known the pain, and felt the very real presence of the Lord during it, is an encouragement like none other. That is why I have asked a dear friend, Sarah, to share her testimony of the Lord’s faithfulness to her through her recent miscarriage and subsequent pregnancy. I am confident that her Biblical, God honoring testimony will be a blessing to every woman who reads it.

I am most thankful for the opportunity to share about one of the most difficult, yet most peaceful trials of my life. I do hope that this can be of an encouragement to someone else who is experiencing or has experienced the pain of miscarrying a pregnancy.

First I would like to share that I have a 5 year old little girl. I never had any complications with her at all during pregnancy, so when the Lord blessed us with a second pregnancy, I was not even thinking of the possibility that something could go wrong. I was about 5 weeks along when I started experiencing some symptoms that had my doctor concerned. Because I was so early, there was nothing that she could really tell me. We had to wait. It was about 3-4 weeks later when my doctor had determined that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks.

This few weeks of waiting on the Lord was the most difficult yet most peaceful time of my life. My doctor was not very optimistic that the baby would make it, I had to battle thoughts in my mind. I couldn’t think about “what will I do if we lose the baby?” Or even making plans in my mind if everything was fine. I had to stay completely in the “middle” of these two thoughts and just trust the Lord. I had to be completely content with not knowing. I had to be content to wait. It was absolutely beautiful waiting in the arms of my creator, knowing that even though I didn’t know the outcome, and my doctor didn’t know the outcome, He knew. He created this precious little life inside of my womb, and it was His creation and He had it all under control. When my doctor told me that the baby was gone I had an incredible peace about it. God’s grace was with me and covered me in that moment.

The night after I had my DNC, I could not sleep. I was wide awake and all of these scriptures were pouring through my mind! Scriptures about who God is and His faithfulness. Scriptures like “Now see that I, even I, am He, and there is no God besides Me; I kill and I make alive; I wound and I heal; Nor is there any who can deliver from my hand.” (Deut. 32:39) This gave me great comfort to remember that God is always in control of every situation in our lives. Even the most painful things that we experience are all by the hand of our loving Father. “It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of coins of gold and silver… Those who fear you will be glad when they see me, because I have hoped in Your word. I know, O Lord, that your judgments are right; and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.” (Ps 119:71-75) I knew that it was for my good and His faithfulness He had given me this trial. I had never been more close to the Lord than these past few weeks of waiting on Him. “Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful creator.” (1 Pet. 4:19)  There was no doubt that this was the will of the Lord for my life and for the life of my little one that He had blessed me with. The Lord also gently reminded me of a scripture I had memorized as a teenager. At the time I really didn’t understand it, though now, it held so much meaning for me. “Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Ps 73:25-26)

The Lord was so faithful to keep me nestled close to Him during that time. I knew that His strength was with me and I had nothing to fear. I did go through a grieving process that I did not quite expect. Through it all, when I felt so broken hearted, He was there with encouragement in His word. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy. “ (Pro. 13:13) This verse helped me to understand to grieve is okay. There is a time to grieve, and there would again be a time of rejoicing. We decided to wait about 3 months to try again. When it came time, I was very afraid. I just kept praying and asking the Lord to help me to trust Him again, and to take the fear away and help me be excited about being pregnant again. In His faithfulness, He led me to Colossians 1. These particular verses were talking about the way that we are to walk with the Lord, being worthy of this and fully pleasing Him in everything. Then I read verses 11-12a “Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and long-suffering with joy, giving thanks to the Father…” He reminded me to be thankful to Him for this trial. To know that He was giving me strength to have joy while I am suffering according to His will! I continued reading in verse 16 “For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.” God had created this precious little person, this precious gift. Though it was a blessing for me, He created it for Himself. For His own glory through Christ! What a precious thought to think that the Lord would create something invisible to the world around me and that He did it for Himself. This gave me great thankfulness and peace! I could not WAIT to be pregnant again! It encouraged my heart so much that no matter how long a pregnancy lasts, whether a few weeks, a few months, or if I carry to full term, it is a blessing! It is for His glory! What an amazing creator we have!

So today, I am humbly grateful to share that I am 8 weeks pregnant. There are moments when those fearful thoughts pop into my head. In those moments, all I can do is pray. I ask the Lord to help me not to dwell on the lies. I ask the Lord to give me strength and excitement and to trust Him with this baby. I remind myself of all that I have learned and what a true gift it was for me to lose the last baby. If it were not for that incredibly painful trial, I would not have the strengthened faith that I do today. I love Jesus more today because of what I went through. I just think “Whom have I in Heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You.”

Thank you for sharing your testimony with us Sarah. It is obvious that the Spirit of God was so active in your life, using the Scriptures to communicate Christ’s love and power.

My prayer is that Sarah’s story will strengthen you through any trial you experience and the scriptures she referenced will be a valuable tool for you when desiring to minister to other sisters in Christ facing difficult times.

Update: A couple weeks after writing this testimony, the Lord allowed Sarah to  miscarry your second baby. Her thoughts and pain regarding her recent trial have been heavily influenced by her past experience and confidence in the Lord’s goodness.  Her faith in the Lord’s love for her has grown tremendously through these trials. Please pray for the Lord’s blessing on her womb and that she would soon enjoy the blessing of a healthy baby.

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The Miracle of God

Sep 2, 2009 by desiringvirtue

I have written a lot about the trials and hardships we have faced. I have been transparent about these things because I believe that we are meant to be real with one-another and encourage each other with stories of the Lord’s faithfulness to and love for his children. They are not meant to make you pity me, but instead to point you to our God who, though he takes us through difficult times, holds our hand through it all. Christians do not lack the pains and sorrows of this world; they simply give them as offerings to their King who in return lavishes his love upon them.

In the same way, unbelievers experience happiness and joy and in most ways seem to prosper as much and even more than Christ-followers. Yet, as Christians we experience so much more than this world can offer. Our joy is deep, full, and overwhelming; the love we experience is true, unadulterated, passionate; the freedom we live is pure, righteous, and empowering. We are not ruled by our flesh; we are not governed by our passions; we are not captive to our lust. God has filled us and we are his.

How can any trial or hardship compare to the love of God? Why would we worry or put on an anxious face when we can look upon the throne of God through his Word? The difficulties of this world are real, but like the leaves on a tree in Autumn they will fall away when we stand before the presence of the King and we will say, “They were nothing.”

We are not meant to act like our lives are perfect and without blemish. We are meant to reveal our imperfections to the world and point to the One who makes ugly things beautiful and difficult situations easy.

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The Lord Gives and He Takes Away

Mar 24, 2008 by desiringvirtue

Dear Family and Friends,

As many of you know, on February 25th we miscarried our first baby. I wanted to take a moment to share with you a little bit about our baby and what the Lord has done through him. On January 28th I shared with Richard one of the happiest moments of our lives; it was the day that I told him we were pregnant. You could not have found two people who were more thrilled or thankful. We quickly began to picture our future bundle of joy and all of the many blessing that would result from him. The news spread like wildfire and everyone was able to celebrate with us. Four weeks later, I began to miscarry. An ultrasound showed that the baby was about two weeks behind in development. Though it was approximately eight weeks old, it was only measuring six. And then on the 25th Richard and I shared one of the saddest moments of our lives together.

It is an incredible thing to gain and lose something so precious to you so quickly. I know the pain and sadness of that day will forever be etched in my memory. But as terrible as this experience was and still is for us, the weight and beauty of God’s perfect love gives us great confidence and contentment. We know that this tragedy is not outside of God’s control. It was part of his perfect and loving plan for us. He measured out the days of this baby, just as he has our own. Therefore we rejoice in the amazing gift that this child was to us. Through him we were able to experience many joys: a pregnancy test being positive, the amazement of a human life growing within me, and the joy of knowing that Richard and I created something by the Lord’s grace. His death has helped us to understand so many truths about the Lord more deeply. It is a vivid reminder that all of our days are numbered. We cannot control our lives or our family’s lives any more than a flower can choose where it is planted, when the rain will come and harm it, when the sun will shine upon it, or in what fashion it will die. We must therefore live humbly before the Lord knowing that it is He who is in control of all things and trust in His wisdom. Though we have cried many tears and felt immense sorrow, we are utterly in love with our Lord, Jesus Christ. Through this experience we have found new meaning in the numerous descriptions of Him found in the Bible. He truly has been our rock from which we draw strength. He has been our river of living water from which we have received nourishment for our parched souls. He has been the refuge that we found peace and joy in though all around our world was crumbling. More than anything, he has been a father to us. A father who deeply loves, cares for, and understands us. Though all around us waves of sadness, grief, and fear grew great, our Savior stood to calm them.

Immediately after I miscarried I began to think about the parallel between our loss and the Father’s loss when He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins. Perhaps now we have a minute understanding of what the words, “he gave his only son” truly mean. God willingly sent His son to die for sinners. We experienced the death of our child, but Christ’s death was infinitely more appalling. Unlike our child, Christ was the perfect God of the universe who suffered a cruel and unjust execution. We loved our baby so much, but our love could never compare to God’s love for His son. His love is without the blemish of sin; it is perfect. And yet the Bible tells us “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son.” Praise the Lord for His sacrifice for sinners! If it was not for his willingness to sacrifice His son, we would be lost and without hope for redemption. Our sins would forever be held against us and would condemn us for eternity. It is because of the truth of God’s love for sinners like us, that Richard and I have been able to accept and find joy in this tragedy. Without it, there is no joy and there is no peace. We pray that if this letter finds you without an understanding of this truth you would search it out diligently. Read the gospel of John and pray that the Lord would open your eyes and lead you to repentance.

We would like to thank all of you who have so diligently prayed for us. Know that the Lord heard you and His Spirit ministered greatly to us (and still is) as a result of your prayers. The Lord has provided in so many ways, both physically and emotionally. My mother was able to be with us through the whole miscarriage which was a tremendous comfort and service. Many of you have not only prayed for us, but graciously sent cards, letters, flowers, gift cards, even money to help us get through this unexpected time. We are not worthy of such grace and thank you all from the bottom of our hearts. We love you and hope that this little glimpse into our hearts will encourage you as you seek to know the risen Lord.

Love always,

Richard and Jessalyn Hutto

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