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A Good Wife

Feb 7, 2012 by desiringvirtue

Did you know that God is in the business of making you a better wife? I know that you struggle with a bad attitude and with a propensity to selfishness. I know that the word submission makes your stomach churn and the hair on the back of your neck stand up. I know that it isn’t easy to love that man you are with, to give your life for him, to sacrifice your desires for his. I know because I feel it to. I feel that struggle with sinful flesh, the struggle to satisfy my own longings, my own wants, my own “needs.” It is the struggle against anarchy, against a body that desperately wants to defy its Maker. It is a struggle against this woman in me who desires to follow after her mother Eve; that woman who chose the promises of a liar over the truth of the Living God.

But Christ, precious Messiah, holy Savior came to liberate us from the chains of sin. He was willingly put to death by the Father so that he could secure the death of the sin reigning in our bodies. Yes, he died to crush the power of our pride, our selfishness, and our insubordination. He rose mightily from the grave so that we could live new, holy lives. He implanted his Holy Spirit within our very bodies so that we would bear good fruit–so that we could learn to love, sacrifice, submit. We are new creations. The cross demands that we turn away from our old ways and live in the knowledge of what Christ has done for us. He has made us better wives. He is making us better wives. His Spirit, full of GRACE, full of POWER, is at work within you to do his will and his will is to transform you.

The Lord hasn’t commanded you to respect your husband and not given you the power to do so.

The Lord hasn’t commanded you to submit to your husbands and not given you the power to do so.

The Lord hasn’t commanded you to love our husband and not given you the power to do so.

No, your obedience to God, your ability to respect, submit, and love your husband, is empowered by his GRACE, his mighty, life-giving grace.

You see, your story is part of God’s story. He is in the business of renewing his creation. Through Christ, he is restoring what was broken; he is erasing the horrid effect of Adam and Eve’s sin. Through Christ, he is growing your marriage toward the perfection that Adam and Eve were meant to live in. He is giving you the strength to fight against the sin that still wages war in your body.

No, perfection will never be attained in this world, but the pursuit is possible and victories are attainable because you do not work alone. You do not strive toward holiness alone. You are fighting with the power of the God of the universe. It is his pleasure to bring about respect, submission, and love in your thoughts, words, and actions. It is his will for you to live in the glorious reality of the redeemed. You were set free from sin so that you could taste the joyful fruit of Christ-likeness. What heavenly delights are made available to those who are in Christ and how desperately those who have tasted of these delights long for the day they will fully experience holiness, when this sinful flesh is wiped away forever. Those who have tasted the appetizers of Heaven are ravenous for the feast set before them.

Press on today toward holiness, but only as you press in to Christ. Your efforts toward being a good wife are futile if they are an attempt toward self-sanctification. Self-sanctification is impossible. You will only find disillusionment, pain, and failure in your own attempts.

Christ is your sanctification.

Christ is your path toward living a holy life.

Christ is your hope of being a good wife.

Look to Christ and be saved.

Look to him and be sanctified.

You can obey God’s commands, because Christ bought obedience for you. He has provided a way of escape from every temptation, but you must look to him as your Savior and King and choose to follow him. Take hold of the obedience he bought for you and walk in that newness of life. Fight hard toward being a good wife because he fights with you.

Respect your husband.

Submit to your husband.

Love your husband.

Christ has made it possible.

Live in the reality of the freedom he has bought for you and taste the fruits of living according to his perfect will.

Why?

“We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.” (Romans 6:4 ESV)

“…you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God.” (Romans 7:4 ESV)

“If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.” (Romans 8:11 ESV)

“…and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.” (2 Corinthians 5:15 ESV)

“…having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead.” (Colossians 2:12 ESV)

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you…” (Colossians 3:1-5 ESV)

“And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption…” (1 Corinthians 1:30 ESV)

“I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.” (Romans 6:19 ESV)

Photo Credit

This post is linked up at Time~Warp Wife,

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Submission as a Freedom?

Jan 10, 2012 by desiringvirtue

“In assuming the relation of a wife, the woman surrenders much; still, it is a surrender. There was a moment when her independence was undisputed; if it be resigned, it is through the election of her own will. The considerations which were addressed to her judgment, or to her fancy, led her to prefer the new condition; where, if her freedom be restrained, certain advantages accrue, which, in her esteem at least, more than compensate its loss. In the comparison between the two, she deliberately chooses to be less free in order to be more happy, and therefore, she submits herself.

In this, there is manifest reservation of all her original dignity. No sense of degradation can attach in the voluntary surrender of what she might easily have retained; and in all the friction of will she may hereafter experience, there is a pleasant recurrence to this fact. She retains a sense of freedom in the conscious freeness with which it was resigned and with which it continues to be resigned. The absolute freedom of her own surrender of freedom comprehends within it all the acts of subsequent submission; and it makes them as free as the very freedom which she has for ever renounced. So far from vein dishonored in her subordination, it is throughout life a conscious consecration of herself to the condition of her choice; and the sentiment is one by which she is consciously ennobled.” (The Family by B.M. Palmer)

In other words… the very act of submitting implies that we, as wives, actively lay down certain freedoms when we become wives. This purposeful submission is an expression of freedom that is granted through Jesus Christ and is continually used to sanctify us.

Good food for thought isn’t it?

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10 Ways to Ease Into a Natural Body (Pt. 2)

Jul 27, 2011 by Katie

If you missed yesterday’s post, make sure to catch up with Part 1 of 10 Ways to Ease Into a Natural Body!

6. Learn about sweating and deodorants.

Look up the deodorant you’re using on the Skin Deep website. Deodorants seem to be one of the most unhealthy beauty products we all use! There are several alternatives to the nasty deodorants, including a brand called Crystal Body. I’ve never used it, but a trusted source has, loves it, and it’s a “0″ on Skin Deep! My source suggests the roll on.

A note on sweating: Nobody likes to sweat, I know. However, sweating is the way that God designed our bodies to get rid of the nasty stuff it doesn’t need. If you have a serious sweating problem (like I used to) you’re probably using the harshest chemicals you can find to combat the “problem.” Can I give you a suggestion? Stop trying to combat it. Pick two weeks where you don’t have anything super strenuous or way stressful (yea, right, I know), wait until it’s fairly cool outside, etc. and try a natural deodorant. It’ll probably take a good two weeks for your body to level itself out and get the nasty chemicals (usually aluminum. seriously.) out of your body. You just may see that you sweat way less than you thought you would. It’s just like everything else natural–once you stop striping your body of the way it’s supposed to be naturally, your body straightens itself out!

7. Figure out what fluoride really does & find a better toothpaste.

“Fluoride is any combination of elements containing the fluoride ion. In its elemental form, fluorine is a pale yellow, highly toxic and corrosive gas. In nature, fluorine is found combined with minerals as fluorides. It is the most chemically active nonmetallic element of all the elements and also has the most reactive electro-negative ion. Because of this extreme reactivity, fluorine is never found in nature as an uncombined element.” -Andreas Schuld in his Fluoride: Worse that We Thought for the Weston A. Price Foundation

Unfortunately there are very few inexpensive toothpastes on the market that are fluoride-free. Hopefully that will soon change as consumers begin to learn what fluoride really is and really does, but for now, it seems we’re resigned to making our own. My favorite recipe for toothsoap (safe for kiddos one year old and older! Just don’t use anything but water until your babies are one!) uses Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap (again, we use the Baby Mild).

Dr. Bronner’s Toothpaste Recipe:

1 Tbsp Dr. Bronner’s Baby Mild Liquid Soap
5 Tbsp coconut oil
1 Tbsp or more olive oil or water – to get the consistency you want – this makes it pourable to put in the soap dispenser
Essential oil (20-25 drops), use spearmint or peppermint or orange—or a combination. For a while we didn’t se any oil and it was . . . okay . . .
Stevia, to sweeten to your taste – a few dashes or so works

Directions: Mix together and store in a pump bottle.

8. Make-up your face healthy!

Ahhh, make-up . . . so difficult to live without it, but, as you now know because you’ve studied it on Skin Deep, it’s really so bad for you! I love my make-up, though. I get all my make-up from Everyday Minerals. They get a 1-3 for all their products on Skin Deep and it’s actually a great product! I used the huge, gigantic mineral make-up company’s makeup for years before I switched to Everyday Minerals, and I think it covers my face much better than the big nasty company!

9. Only wash your hair every other day.

This is the same idea behind not washing your face and being okay with sweating. Your scalp has natural chemicals that need to get out. By washing your hair with man-made chemicals every day, you’re stripping your hair of its natural oils, your body is over-compensating, and creating way more oil than it needs to, and your hair is probably much greasier than it would be if you cut out half the shampooing. Again, it will take your hair a couple weeks to regulate itself, but it’s worth it!

You may be wondering where my fantastic alternative to shampoo is? I don’t have one. I’ve tried everything: natural companies, baking soda, apple cider vinegar—everything. I’m just not satisfied with any of it. So here’s a secret: currently I’m using Pantene Pro-V! Wait, that’s like a FOUR on Skin Deep! It’s unnatural! It’s unhealthy! I know! But I just can’t find anything natural I like. And natural living is a preference—it’s a choice—it’s not even a “gray area!” All that to say, no. I have no natural alternative to shampoo. It’s bummer, yes, but that’s the way it is. I’m still going to Heaven, chemical-ridden hair and all!

10. Take it slow! Be patient. Find a balance.

The hardest thing for me about easing into natural living is that I didn’t ease into it at all. I tried to jump in head first and I just ended up getting frustrated because I either didn’t understand or couldn’t afford whatever it was I wanted to do. Learn from me! If you’re just starting out, go slow! Pick one or two things to switch this month. Then maybe add a third next month. Be patient! The most important thing is not that you switch to a natural deodorant. You’ve been using aluminum since you were 12. A few more months—or even a year—won’t kill you. Find a balance!

This list does not include every singe alternative or every single thing you might want to know about. It’s just a starting point. There’s so much more to learn about when it comes to natural living for your body and it’s my hope that in the coming months I’ll be able to help you think through even more aspects of a natural body. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please leave a comment!

As Katie has studied and learned more and more about what it means to be a godly woman, she has become passionate about cultivating her home, the health of her family, and her heart for the Lord. Through these pursuits, she has begun to learn about living a more natural life. Her husband, her son, and she live north of Houston where they attempt a modern-day natural lifestyle, joyfully serve at their church, run a photography business, and enjoy just spending time with each other. You can find more tips for living a natural lifestyle while loving Jesus every step of the way at homehealthheart.wordpress.com.

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10 Ways to Ease Into a Natural Body (Pt. 1)

Jul 26, 2011 by Katie

Last time I told you why natural living matters to me. Hopefully that sparked some of your interests and maybe you desire to know how you can begin to live more naturally. The first area of natural living that I learned about was beauty products-things that go on our bodies. My hope is that this list will help you ease into a world of Natural Living when it comes to your body and your family’s bodies.

1. Learn about the products your currently using.

Visit the site Skin Deep and search for what you are currently using on your body. You may be surprised at the results. You can also use this site to find better store-bought alternatives than what you’re currently using. Make sure to check the products you’re using on your kiddos too!

2. Get rid of the toxic stuff.

Once you research what you’re currently using you may find that some of the items you thought were safe aren’t. Well, get rid of them! If a product is scored 7-10, it’s no good! I know we can find you a better alternative.

3. Switch to coconut oil.

Coconut oil is a staple in any natural lifestyle. It can be used for just about anything (including cooking!). Use coconut oil as a natural alternative to lotion, moisturizer, eye make-up remover, shaving gel, hair conditioner, and even hair gel! It’s safe on baby too (use as lotion and diaper rash cream)! I buy our virgin coconut oil online from Mountain Rose Herbs.

*A couple notes on coconut oil: it’s solid under about 76 degrees, never fear, just rub it in your palms and it will turn to liquid quickly! Use Refined Coconut Oil for your body and Unrefined Coconut Oil for cooking.

4. Find an alternative body wash.

The soap you use goes all over your body-if you don’t think that is such a big deal, rub some garlic on the bottom of your feet and notice how quickly you can taste it! The products we put on our body matter. The best soap I’ve found is Dr. Bronner’s Castile Soap. We use Baby Mild so we can all use the same soap. We dilute it 1:1 with water and use loofahs to suds it up.

5. Stop washing your face.

I know it sounds crazy. I know. Just stay with me. First, a good reason to stop washing your face is because there are probably nasty chemicals in your face wash. Check it out on Skin Deep if you don’t believe me. Second, that adult acne that you just can’t explain? Yea, it’s probably hanging out on your face because you’re stripping your face of its natural chemicals. Your face is overproducing oil in an attempt to combat the synthetic chemicals you use to scrub away the natural chemicals every morning and evening! It’s not good for you! I suggest that you stop washing your face. Let me tell you where I started with this whole idea and then I’ll tell you about my current facial routine.

The Oil Cleaning Method

Basically, you mix Castor Oil (in the laxative section of the drug store-usually the bottom shelf) and some other kind of oil. Sunflower oil is the recommended type of oil to use (I get mine from organicdirect.com), but initially I used Extra Virgin Olive Oil and it worked just fine. I mixed 15% Caster Oil to 85% EVOO (1 1/2 tsp Caster Oil to 2 5/6 Tbs EVOO), which works for my skin type, but if you have super dry skin, you’ll want less Caster Oil. If you have really oily skin you’ll want more Caster Oil. You’ll just have to experiment with the mixture. After mixing the two oils together you can store them in a glass bottle.

Go to The Oil Cleansing Method website and scroll to the bottom for the step-by-step directions. It really is a great and relaxing thing to do. I cleansed my face this way for about five months and had really great results. After two initial weeks of my face rebalancing its chemicals, my face was super soft and super clear. I’d really encourage you to try this.

Water

Then I got really sick during my pregnancy and just gave up. I started simply rinsing my face with water every morning and every evening. Lo and behold my face was clear throughout my entire pregnancy. Now, it could have been the hormones, but if you already have fairly clear skin, you may want to try just water.

The Oil Cleansing Method Remix

Recently my face has been much drier than I would like. So I’ve gone back to using the same oil mixture that I used when I did the Oil Cleansing Method, but I’ve simplified the process and it works for me! What I do now is rinse my face with water after a shower and then pour a small line of the oil mixture onto my middle finger about as long as 2/3 of it. I gently rub the oil onto my finger tips and then rub and pat the mixture onto my face (as you would a moisturizer). I let the oils seep into my skin (as long as it takes me to brush my teeth) and then I put my make-up on over the oil. At night I just rinse my face with water. If I’m feeling like my face is too dry, I might put some oil on my face again at night like I do in the mornng. It’s working great and I love my skin right now! Plus, it’s really easy and simple and cheap!

Check back tomorrow for part 2 and five more steps to ease you into natural living!

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The Deception of Gender Equality

Jul 15, 2011 by desiringvirtue

When Richard and I were engaged I made it my mission to figure out exactly what a “wife” was supposed to look like. I had many godly women and many awesome resources to guide me, but honestly the most radical teaching that I studied during that time was from the book of Genesis. Yes, there are more explicit texts (e.g. Titus 2) and yes, there are more descriptive texts (e.g. Proverbs 31), but it was in the very first book of the Bible, in the very first couple of chapters that I found my purpose as a wife clearly and beautifully described:

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. (Genesis 1:27 ESV)

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him… So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:18, 21-24 ESV)

Why was this so revolutionary to me? After all this is probably one of the best known passages of scripture! Well, like I said, for a long time I had been able to watch and learn from a host of godly wives and I had been able to read great resources that showed me how to be a Christian wife, but the problem was I had never truly understood the why behind the how. In a certain sense I understood that this was simply a matter of obedience to the Lord (he commands me to be submissive to my husband, so I must be submissive to my husband). After all, the key to a happy, successful, and fulfilling marriage is to obey the Lord in all areas of your relationship simply because he knows what he is talking about!

Yes, this is true, but what I mean by “I didn’t know why” is that I didn’t understand why God commanded women to obey their husbands, to honor them, to be workers at home, etc… Did God create two equal creatures and then decide that one would submit to the other? Was there any inherent reason why I was to submit to Richard other than God simply commanding me to?

After spending a good bit of time in this passage God carefully and wonderfully taught me the reason why I was instructed to treat Richard as my head. Layers of worldly and feministic ideology were slowly peeled away as I began to understand that women and men aren’t created equal in every sense. Let me explain! In chapter one of Genesis it says that we (man and woman) were created in God’s image. So, in the most important sense we are completely equal. Man and woman both share the unimaginable privilege of being made in the image of God.

However, in a more practical sense he created us to be drastically different. Chapter 2 says that God created woman to be a “helper fit for him.” When God decided to make Adam a helper, he didn’t just create another Adam; he created Eve. Eve was specifically designed to “fit” Adam. She made up for his weaknesses, she would give him the ability to reproduce, she would provide intimate fellowship, she would help him in any way he needed it; she was his perfect counterpart!

When I realized that I was created as an equal to Richard (of the same wonderful worth), but that I was created to have a different role in our marriage, everything became clear. Not only did it become clear, but suddenly it was a beautiful and exciting thing! I wasn’t choosing to suppress who I was (as a feminist might say I have), but instead I was choosing to return to the beautiful role that the Lord had created me to play in our marriage. That is why a godly marriage is full of happiness and harmony, because the two people are not working against each other, but rather with each other. They are each working in a way that compliments the other’s strengths and weaknesses and each finding fulfillment in their God ordained roles.

Of course this is a very difficult thing to put into practice because all our lives we are taught by the world that if you are not acting as equals in every way within your marriage you are being taken advantage of. On top of this worldly influence we have our very own sinful natures that are waging war on God’s perfect design. It is only through the power that the Holy Spirit gives to a woman that she can stand up to current secular opinion and her own sinful cravings. It is only by the grace of God that a woman can seek the choice fruit of God’s perfect will for her.

This is the power of salvation in our daily lives. This is the power of the cross lived out in our marriages. As our husbands rely on Jesus’ precious blood to live out sacrificial leadership, we seek his blood for the power to humbly submit to them. Only the redeemed woman can hope to fulfill God’s original design for her as a wife. She can confidently and joyfully work toward being her husband’s perfect helper because Christ accomplished her redemption and sanctification on mount Calvary.

Let us rest in our Savior’s provision for our marriages.

Let us ask him for the ability to fulfill our calling as wives.

Photo Credit: Adam and Eve

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The Gospel Empowered Homemaker

Jun 29, 2011 by desiringvirtue

There are a couple of pieces I’ve written recently that are published elsewhere and not on the main Desiring Virtue feed which I would like to share with you today. They really define what this site is all about and I pray that they would be an encouragement to your soul today as we seek to put Christ at the center of our homemaking.

Is Proverbs 31 Attainable?

We’ve all thought it as we respectfully highlight and underline our way through Proverbs 31: “Who is this woman, and why does she have to be so perfect?” I’m sure you would agree that she sets a pretty high standard for the rest of us imperfect wives! Often I find myself rebuked and discouraged after reading through this foundational piece of instruction for my calling as a God fearing wife.

But let me ask you a question: Isn’t this the case with our Christian lives in general? Aren’t we called to the highest standards as children of the Lord? Displaying the character of Christ is not exactly an easy thing to do; in fact it is impossible in this fleshly body. This truth, however, does not change the fact that we are called to live out Christ’s holiness in our everyday life!

I was first encouraged to relate these two callings by a very wise man leading a marriage class at our church. “Wives,” he said, “when you feel like you will never be the Proverbs 31 Woman, remember that you are also called to walk as Jesus walked, which is a far more difficult task.” Jesus is the incarnation of Wisdom in every area of life, the Proverbs 31 woman is simply an example of a wise homemaker… Keep Reading At Time~Warp Wife

Why Desiring Virtue?

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”(Proverbs 31:10)

The truth is, the standard set by the virtuous woman found in Proverbs is completely impossible. No woman can attain her level of industry, sacrifice, and benevolence. She is set in the our lives as a north star, guiding us to our heavenly calling as Christ-exalting homemakers. Her excellence and virtue stand as desirable, yet unattainable goals for all of us imperfect women who respectfully highlight and mark our way through Proverbs 31.

Yet the author and creator of this beautiful woman was the Lord himself.He fashioned her virtuous qualities after his very own holy character. The wisdom displayed in her skills as a homemaker is the same wisdom the Bible continually instructs us to cultivate as redeemed people, as citizens of a heavenly kingdom.

Our homemaking is not outside the realm of grace. The gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ is the only power, the only reason we can smile at this woman found in Proverbs and confidently model our lives after her. As the Word of God washes over us and transforms our lives, moment by moment, through the working of the Holy Spirit, our desire to be virtuous women will come to fruition… Keep Reading At About Desiring Virtue

Photo Credit: The Housewife

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Nursing Days (What to Wear)

Jun 22, 2011 by desiringvirtue

Let me begin by getting a simple truth out there: breastfeeding is hard. Can I get some “Amens!”? It requires time, energy, commitment, and so much more. (Notice the very large mocha frappe I’m holding?)

Nursing your children is a marvelous way to lavish sacrificial love on them. It is natural. It is beautiful.

But sometimes it doesn’t feel very natural and sometimes it doesn’t feel very beautiful.

I nursed Elliot for 6 months and Hudson for almost 8. I am hoping that our next baby will make it to the coveted 1 year marker, but know that a whole year is a lot harder than the magazines and books lead you to believe!

Now that I am no longer nursing my sweet little Hudson, I thought I would share my favorite and most helpful breastfeeding items. These are all items that I have worn and loved. They are items that made breast feeding easier and more enjoyable.

The Bra

At the heart of breast feeding is a great nursing bra. I have tried a lot of nursing bras from Walmart, Target, Gap Maternity, to online companies. By far, my favorite nursing bra out there is made by a company called Bravado!. While it is true that Bravado! is not the cheapest option out there, the quality just can’t be beat.

These bras are comfortable and well made. I will introduce you to the two that I have used:

1. Bravado! Seamless Nursing Bra. This bra is SO comfortable. It was my pajama bra… and sometimes daily bra. It is wireless, so it may not have the support you desire for every day use, but the comfort is well worth the cost. Trust me.

Something unique to this nursing bra is that it has removable foam lining in each cup. They are like small shields that you can insert (or take out) to keep your nursing pads from showing through to your shirt. I never used them, but many of the people who reviewed this bra on Amazon really loved them.

2. Bravado! Women’s Allure Underwire Nursing Bra. This is the nursing bra that doesn’t look like a nursing bra. It gives you that little “pretty” under your clothes that you start to miss when you are nursing. It offers great support and helps to hide those lines caused by your nursing pads. This is because the material of the cup is an interesting nylon blend that acts as a barrier between your nursing pads and shirt. The great thing about this material is that, though it is thicker, it doesn’t lose its shape or get odd wrinkles after you fold it down (to nurse) many, many, many times.

The Tank

I was once told that layering is the key to modest/comfortable nursing. This is so true. Wearing a tank top under your shirt can give you that tummy coverage you desire while still providing easy access for your little one. The only down side to wearing a nursing tank under your shirt is that you are then face with twice the amount of “buckles/clips” to undo and then redo every nursing session. First comes the tank, then comes the bra and before you know it, you have forgotten the bra clip and you’re walking around looking like you have a strange growth coming out of your chest!

I was so happy to find a nursing tank that would actually serve as a bra and tank top without giving me that uniboob action that most shelf-bra tank tops produce! Of course it was created by Bravado! (One of my all time favorite companies as you can see). This tank is designed to give you the convenience of a nursing tank with the support of a bra.

This tank can also be a very comfortable and convenient sleep shirt (giving you the freedom of not wearing a nursing bra to bed. I found myself wearing my Bravado! Essential Nursing Bra Tank over and over again, and still occasionally don it due to its comfort factor.

*I do not recommend wearing this tank on its own in public or with the bust exposed as it is rather immodest and serves better underneath a complete shirt.

The Nightgown

When it comes to nursing at night, you want to make the task as easy and quick as possible. This is where my favorite nursing nightgown comes in. It is made by Eve Alexander and has a couple advantages over other nightgowns on the market.

The most important quality about this nightgown is the fact that it actually keeps you all contained throughout the night. The construction of the bodice provides easy no-clip access while keeping you from “falling out” throughout the night. Another nightgown that I bought which was similar to this one was not helpful in this manner. Throughout the night I would have to “readjust” which interrupted the little sleep I should have been getting.

I can’t tell you how much I LOVED not having to deal with a buckle/clip in the middle of the night to nurse. With this nightgown all you have to do is slide over one side of your bodice and you are ready to nurse. Because this nightgown keeps everything “in place” you can actually go without a nursing bra altogether and simply attach your nursing pads to the inside of your gown.

This nightgown is made out of a thin material that gets really soft after only a few washes. I will admit it is not the most fashionable nightgown out there, and if you wear your nursing pads directly under the gown they will show through. For this reason I typically wore a light robe over mine before bed time or wore a bra under it until I actually went to sleep. The nightgown is just so incredibly comfortable and convenient that fashion took a back seat on this one!

The Nursing Pad

Traditional:

Oh nursing pads… how I despise thee! Disposable nursing pads are expensive and a pain, but the protection they offer compared to cloth pads is not even worth comparing. That being said, some disposables are better than others and it really stinks to end up with a big box of nursing pads that create an embarrassing ring around your nipple when worn under clothing! While no disposable nursing pad is perfect I have found that there is one that stands out among the rest and it is made by Lansinoh. They are very thin and slightly curved so that it doesn’t look like you are wearing a coaster under your bra. They also have a nice adhesive strip to keep them secure during nursing sessions.

Something Different:

A product that I really enjoyed using was LilyPadz. This product works differently than the traditional nursing pad. Rather than absorb the milk your breasts let out throughout the day these pads keep any milk from coming out at all (if applied correctly). While I do not recommend using these on a day to day basis, they can be really helpful for times when you can’t wear disposable nursing pads. Situations that Lilypadz might come in handy would include under a swim suit, an evening gown, under a negligee, etc.. Basically any time you don’t want to be constrained by the bulkiness of a disposable nursing pad! They work really well and give you a little bit of freedom every once in a while.

The reason I don’t recommend using them in substitute of the more traditional pads is because my skin tended to get very dry when I would wear them for days at a time. For one day or one night every once in a while these are well worth the cost. Each set will last for about a month and even more if your usage is sporadic.

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On Becomming a Full Time Homemaker

Jun 14, 2011 by Amy

Today I am very excited to introduce you to one of the newest contributors to Desiring Virtue. Amy is a curagious woman of God who is living in a very countercultural way. Upon first visiting her blog, Making a Joyful Home, I was struck by her pure desire to follow the Holy Spirit’s conviction in her life, despite how odd, unconventional, difficult, or unpopular his leading was. Her new periodical at Desiring Virtue, Lessons in Homemaking, will focus on her journey from a full time professional to a full time homemaker and the lessons she learns along the way. Please welcome her to the blog and enjoy her encouraging story!

“But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” (Titus 2:1-5 ESV)

I’ve been taught to tell stories from the beginning, and this one has quite a start to it. It’s not every day that one encounters a woman who stays home full time without having young children, and the question I hear most often is, “Why in the world do you do this?”

“This” is something I have only transitioned into doing for the past seven months, and by 2012, I should be able to stay home full-time. The Lord has graciously provided the opportunity for me to pursue my heart’s desire as a worker at home and I couldn’t be happier! This journey has been quite a challenge so far and I’m certain more adventures await as I seek to obey the Lord’s calling on my life.

Having been raised in a Christian home, reading the Bible at home as well as in church, I had certainly come across this passage from Titus many times. I’ve heard it preached from the pulpit and discussed in Bible studies. However, as a young woman I was urged by my parents and later by my husband to work outside the home until children came along. It never occurred to me that working outside the home could be a detriment to my family rather than a blessing. Certainly I felt the conflict of work obligations and home obligations, but it was not until I had spent a few years working away from home that we really noticed how the lifestyle had started to affect our family.

Having both of us work meant both my husband and I came home tired, and neither inclined to invest much in the work of keeping the home. I’ve always loved to cook, so I kept us fed, but lacked the time to cook the healthy and fresh meals I would desire to make. In addition, it would be fair to say that housekeeping standards slid embarrassingly low at times and I especially had a hard time focusing my heart on the home. I found it very difficult to make a house a home when the majority of my day was spent focusing on someone else’s business! As I am sure many of you are thinking, this is not an uncommon situation, so I just figured this was what modern life was like and that I would need to learn to live with it.

Then one day, I spent some time talking to a childhood friend of mine. She’s a military wife, and one of those amazing people who seems able to immediately find a church home and plant herself happily at every new duty station they encounter. When we spoke this time, she bubbled over with excitement as she told me of a Titus 2 class that she had been invited to teach along with another mother in her church. As she spoke about the studies and activities planned for the young girls of the church, I started to see a window into another way of life – and I liked what I saw.

After we finished speaking, I pulled out my Bible and started to read Titus 2. As I hit verse 5 and got to those words, “…that the Word of God may not be reviled,” a chill ran down my spine. I knew deep in my heart that the Lord was beginning to realign my priorities with His. In this passage, wives were clearly encouraged to value and invest in their homes in a way that I never had before. I also knew that while my working outside the home allowed us some “extras”, it was not a true necessity for our family. Would we be challenged without it? Oh yes, but not utterly undone. In addition, the expenses of my job in terms of professional wardrobe, commuting and the like were a drain on our resources and that had to be taken into account as well. Thinking and praying over this, it became obvious that our particular situation did not require me to work full-time outside the home and my doing so was making it more difficult to turn our home into the haven I wanted it to be.

I felt convicted on this subject, but didn’t know what to do. I prayed to God for His forgiveness and for Him to show me the way to live according to His will in this area of my life. Though I desired to, I knew I couldn’t just quit my job cold turkey. I had the sort of job upon which other people depended and if I suddenly left with no notice, I’d throw them into the lurch. I also had another problem: Even though I wanted to spend more time keeping the home, I had trouble picturing what that would look like. Since we do not have children, my first thoughts were of cooking, cleaning and helping my husband. Having more time to cook would be nice, and cleaning and helping my husband both were certainly necessary, but I hardly saw how those could fill complete days!

After studying and praying through Titus 2, Proverbs 31, and other related passages, my husband and I began working out my transition home as well as how I would order my life as a worker at home. The wealth of books and articles by Christian authors on this subject have also proven deeply helpful as well, so long as I read prayerfully and am mindful of checking them against Scripture.

As you can imagine, moving from a full-time job to keeping the home has been quite a transition. I’ll be writing entire posts on all the many lessons I’ve learned about homekeeping as well as the lessons in humility, perseverance and ingenuity that this journey has required. I’m still very much a work in progress and I value hope and encouragement on the journey as much as I do wish I can extend the same to you. I’ll be posting more detailed stories in the future and would love to answer your questions in the comments as I go along. Thank you!

After several years of trying to balance the management of her home with being a professional woman, Amy is in the process of transitioning home to serve primarily as a homemaker. She now lives with her husband in the Washington DC area where she is enjoying the challenges of figuring out how to make a house a home. Hint: It’s requiring a much broader skill set than she or many other people would have ever dreamed! In her spare time, she enjoys travel, reading, and serving in her church. You can follow her adventures at MakingAJoyfulHome.blogspot.com.

Don’t forget to enter the Seasons of Life Giveaway. Prize options include books from Elisabeth Elliot, Paul David Tripp, and Elyse Fitzpatrick! Click here to visit the giveaway page…

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Living Out the Mystery

Jun 2, 2011 by desiringvirtue

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.‘ This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:22-33)

In this passage, in just a few words, we behold a stunning truth. Here we have a glimpse into the mind of God, with this truth explained we can understand his very motive in creating us man and woman, husband and wife.

The truth is that our roles as husband and wife, and the mystical union (both in flesh and spirit) that takes place as we take our vows, were ordained from eternity past by our Holy God to reflect the glorious acts of Christ.

“…when Paul wanted to tell the Ephesians about marriage, he did not just hunt around for a helpful analogy and suddenly think that “Christ and the church” might be a good teaching illustration. No, it was much more fundamental than that: Paul saw that when God designed the original marriage He already had Christ and the church in mind. This is one of God’s great purposes in marriage: to picture the relationship between Christ and His redeemed people forever!” (George Knight)

This truth is captivating! When Jesus made us heirs of the Living God through his precious blood, he forever grafted us into his own family. In the most perfect way, he married the church-pledging his life, his body, and his future to us. We are his and he is ours. As the wedding ring on my finger testifies to the promise of my earthly marriage, the Holy Spirit within us testifies to the heavenly union we have with our Savior.

If this connection between the marriage relationship and Christ’s relationship to the church is true, it presents many weighty and marvelous implications for our lives. There are two that I have been meditating on recently:

1. Our Marriages are Not About Us.

Marriage is an incredible blessing to a husband and wife, but above all it is meant to bring glory to the Risen Lord. Like so much of scripture, the creation of such a relationship between Adam and Eve was meant to point to Christ’s glorious work on the cross for the redeemed. We can’t miss this truth and hope to fulfill the divine purpose God has for our marriages. How a husband and wife interact on a daily basis either brings glory to the gospel or defiles it because it is meant to be a picture of the gospel. As the redeemed people of God it is our duty and delight to use this remarkable gift to bring glory to his name in all creation.

How do we bring glory to the gospel through our marriages? How do we live the gospel in our marriages? In order to live out the divine purpose of our marriages we must obey the word of God in the callings it has laid out for us. Husbands must love their wives sacrificially, they must lead their wives in a way that mirrors Christ’s leadership of the church. Wives must honor and respect their husbands and submit to them in everything. This kind of relationship is completely counter cultural, but so is the gospel it is meant to represent.

2. Our Marriages are Meant to Be Incredible!

If our marriages are meant to reflect the glorious love between Christ and his church, it stands to reason the love that a husband and wife have for one another has the potential to reach magnificent heights! Our physical and spiritual union with our husbands is nothing short of miraculous. There is something supernatural about it, something that cannot be explained from our finite human minds, something deep, pervasive, unique. Just as Christ miraculously bound himself to the church for her good and his glory, we have entered into a binding relationship for our good and Christ’s glory. Marriage is meant to bring immense pleasure to a husband and wife because of the very nature of what marriage represents.

If this is true, why then do we find ourselves in difficult situations with our spouse? Why do we get into fights or have periods of disunity? Is it as simple as the fact that we are not living out the gospel with each other? If we are not walking in and breathing out the very thing that gives life and meaning to our marriages how can we ever expect for them to blossom and mature into their full potential? We must daily seek out the very thing we are trying to mirror in our relationship. The gospel isn’t just the purpose for our marriages it is the power for our marriages. We cannot bring glory to God on our own. We cannot be the wives he has called us to be without his powerful working in the deepest, darkest parts of our souls. The power of the Risen Lord is the only thing sufficient to make our marriages gospel-bearing vessels worthy of the honor bestowed on them.

What a glorious privilege it is to partake in this mystery that God prepared for us in ages past! What a humbling thought that he purposefully planned to use flawed men and women to physically represent the relationship of Christ and the church. We must beg Christ for the ability to bring glory to his name through this means and we must thank him for the joy to be found in such a mystical union.

I am interested to see what implications you see in this great truth? How does it encourage your relationship with your husband and your relationship with Christ?

For further reading: The Theology of a Helper

Photo Credit: Pismo Sunset-3

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Why Theology is Important

Mar 23, 2011 by desiringvirtue

If you don’t know Richard and I personally, then you may not know that we are pretty passionate about theology. Don’t let the term scare you, theology is simply the study of God. In fact whether you know it or not, you (yes you!) are a theologian. If you find that hard to believe, consider this quote by R.C. Sproul:

Countless times I have heard Christians say, ‘Why do I need to study doctrine or theology when all I need to know is Jesus?’ My immediate reply is this; ‘Who is Jesus?’ As soon as we begin to answer that question, we are involved in doctrine and theology. Every Christian is a theologian. Perhaps not a theologian in the technical or professional sense, but a theologian nevertheless. The issue for Christians is not whether we are going to be theologians but whether we are going to be good theologians or bad ones. A good theologian is one who is instructed by God.

So why is it important to be instructed by God, as Sproul puts it? It seems silly to even pose such a question, but many people who claim the name of Christ actually know very little about him. They say they have Jesus in their hearts, but when pressed to explain their faith they find it very difficult to give an accurate definition of who this God they believe in is. Rather than gleaning truth from the Lord, they concoct their own doctrine based on personal experiences, influences, and ponderings. It is inevitable that if you are not instructed first and foremost by the Lord, you will be left to the wisdom of your own (sinful) heart and that of the (sinful) world around you.

Even if you decide that you will simply put yourself under the influence of the most respected of Biblical scholars, while abdicating your own personal study of the Word of God you leave yourself open to being deceived.

Relevent Example:

Concider the recent release of Rob Bell’s book Love Wins. What if you are a passionate follower of Bell’s ministry (I am not advocating it in any sense, but stay with me)? Perhaps your faith was deeply affected by his earlier works, or you have sat under his teaching since becoming a Christian. Many people count Bell as one of their greatest spiritual influences. How will those people respond to his encouragement to drop the “unloving” doctrine of hell if they have no personal theological knowledge? Will they simply believe that because he has more knowledge than they do that he must be right? Many will. Many have.

Discernment is something that is grown. It is something that is watered by a constant intake of the Word of God. That life giving water washes over and through Rob Bell’s assertions and reveals them to be what they truly are: false.

Here is an example of a support Bell gives for believing that Jesus will eventually save all people (even those who reject him in this life):

“Jesus spoke of the renewal of all things. He said, ‘I have sheep who are not of this flock.’ Through him, extraordinary things are happening in the world.” -Rob Bell

That sounds legit, right? Wow, he can prove from scripture that God is going to save people who aren’t even from his “flock”! …except that that is not what scripture says at all.

If you know your Bible, if you allow God to be the one instructing you and not Rob Bell, you will quickly remember that Jesus was not talking about saving those who never repent, but talking about bringing the Gentiles to salvation who were formerly far away from it (as Paul explains in Ephesians).

Here is the text Rob Bell is alluding to:

“And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd.” (John 10:16 ESV)

Notice that Jesus assures his disciples that those sheep from outside the fold will indeed “hear his voice”. They will come to repentence, Jesus is going to bring them!

Here is Paul’s explaination of this marvelous salvation of the Gentiles:

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility by abolishing the law of commandments expressed in ordinances, that he might create in himself one new man in place of the two, so making peace, and might reconcile us both to God in one body through the cross, thereby killing the hostility. And he came and preached peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near. For through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone, in whom the whole structure, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit.” (Ephesians 2:13-22 ESV)

Here Paul makes it abundantly clear that those who were “far off” have gained access to God through Christ Jesus. Without belief in Christ, there would be no salvations for these Gentiles. But here we are today, Gentiles, receiving the same blessings (salvation) as the Jews (we are now one flock).

Unfortunately if you had never studied these sections of scripture you could easily be swayed by Bell’s “compassionate” reasoning. After all, Jesus IS in fact doing extraordinary things.

This is just an example, one that is relevant.

No teacher (pastor, evangelist, author, blogger, professor) should have your allegience before the very Word of God. And you must know the Word of God before you can compare it to anyone’s teaching.

But why does it matter?

Again the question arrises, is there more to theology than head knowledge? Is it practical? Does it impact my daily life? Why does your knowledge of God demand your attention as a wife, as a homemaker, as a mother? The answer is, how could it not? Theology isn’t an end in and of itself. It is a means to an end.

Studying God is the road to a deeper relationship with him.

It is the bridge to greater confidence and trust in him.

It is a staircase to his heart that we must climb in order to gain the heat of his love for us.

It is the wealth from which we open our hands and give to those who have nothing.

We need theology because we need to know God.

Let me encourage you to take on the challenge of being instructed by God. The Bible is your direct access to your Creator, King, and Savior. He has place the Holy Spirit within your soul to teach and instruct you. Don’t neglect the incredible gifts you have been given as a child of the Holy One.

Where to Start:

Your Bible.

Wayne Grudem’s Systematic Theology… basically the standard by which all other systematic theology books are measured these days. It is big, but simple to understand. Don’t be alarmed by the size (this is God we are talking about, how much could be written about him?).

Christian Beliefs: 20 Basics Every Christian Should Know by Wayne Grudem. Ok, so if you are alarmed, start with this one.

Knowing God by J.I. Packer. If you are looking for something a little less “text booky” this is a must read for every Christian and a great start for studying the doctrine of God.

If you are interested in reading more in-depth thoughts on the book Love Wins visit these sites:

We Have Seen All This Before: Rob Bell and the (Re)Emergence of Liberal Theology @ AlbertMohler.com
The Blood-Drained Gospel of Rob Bell @ Moore to the Point
Revising Hell into the Heterodox Mainstream @ DennyBurk.com
Love Wins-A Review of Rob Bell’s New Book @ Tim Challies.com

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What Makes a Home Beautiful?

Feb 16, 2011 by desiringvirtue

Occasionally I decide to pick up an old, but treasured post from the dusty shelf and share it with you once again. Maybe it is the first time you have ever read it, or maybe you have seen it before. In either case I pray that it will be an encouragement to your heart today as it is to mine. Enjoy!

September 8, 2009

As we get ready for another move I find myself thinking about how I am going to decorate my new home. It seems like with each move there is a temptation to buy more “stuff” to make this home look nicer and more beautiful than the last one. I’m thinking about how the furniture will fit in the new living room and whether or not we need to swap some items on Craigslist for others. I’m thinking about new ways to save space because our new apartment will be much smaller than this one is and about what kind of decor changes I want to make in the future.

It feels like as a young family your “style” is always changing as you slowly get to throw out the “hand-me-downs,” and move up to the “slightly used” furniture you find for a deal, and then again move up the coveted “new” furniture and decor. It is bound to be years… maybe even decades before we start buying new furniture. For now we are content to swap our damaged things for slightly less damaged things at a really great price!

As women it is our God-given duty to care for the home and with that assignment comes the responsibility of making the home a beautiful haven for our family and guests. Sometimes I wonder if we put too much emphasis on the “beautiful” part. As I look around at my living room I have to admit, it is anything but a picture from a magazine. There are many things that I wish I could change about it, but simply can’t. As I visit other people’s homes I am tempted to envy their ability to furnish their homes with lovely and unique pieces or I am amazed by their decorative genius. I begin to think that I am doing a poor job creating a beautiful and heavenly atmosphere for my own family and guests. Soon I am making lists of things we “need” and things I need to do in order to remedy the obvious problem that our home is.

It is then, as I am making my list, that the Lord begins to convict my heart. He begins to reveal the layers of envy and jealousy that are the pillars of my desire to have a “beautiful home.” He then shows me the pride that is the foundation of my lust; the desire to be the woman that other women are jealous of and desire to be like. He reminds me of the millions of people around the world who don’t even have a roof over their heads and how one less flippant purchase a month could feed a poor soul who is dying of hunger. He reminds me of Kris and Chelle Stire who are in Albania serving the small, but vibrant church there. They gave up their right to a “beautiful” home and chose a glorious one among the beautiful souls they are winning for Christ. I am reminded of how much more money I could be giving to them and to my own church for the furtherance of the gospel. How retched my soul must look to my Savior when it is filled with selfishness!

It is hard to judge how much of my desire to have a beautiful home is a result of selfishness. Surely much of it is from pride and envy, but a great majority is simply the desire to please myself and my own tastes. Let’s face it, I love beautiful things! My personal style is a sort of “Country-Clean-Shabby Chic” (or at least this is what I want my personal style to be). As of yet, I have not been able to achieve my “dream home look” so every time I pass by a beautiful piece of decor or see something I like in a magazine (ehem… Pottery Barn!) I feel like I need it. After all, I just want to make my home a beautiful and inviting place!!!!

I realize that making your home aesthetically appealing is not wrong and I truly hope that my home is and will be a warm haven for my family and guests. Unfortunately, I honestly believe that when I focus on these desires they take an unhealthy and ungodly role in my heart. The more beautiful my home gets and the nicer things I have, the more I begin to love this world and the things in it. The more I am comfortable here, the less I desire heaven. Yes, I want my family to be proud of their home, but more importantly I want them to yearn for their heavenly home; I want them to yearn for Christ-I want to yearn for Christ!

I also know that the more I desire to be seen as the woman others envy, the more I am promoting an atmosphere of sinful jealousy between myself and other sisters in Christ.

Yes, I want my home to be an inviting and comfortable place for my guests, but I also want their focus to be directed to the Lord and not my fabulous home decor.

God gives to each in a different manner. Some have more income and are able to spend more money on decorating their homes while still being faithful to give sacrificially to the Lord. To others he entrusts a very little teaching them to rely on his beauty and comfort rather than the possessions they can accumulate. But all of us must fight the temptation to call this world home and invest too much of ourselves in it rather than God’s Kingdom. As I get older and my family’s income increases I know that our home will get bigger and become more aesthetically pleasing, but my earnest prayer is that Richard and I would never put those things before our service to our King, and if necessary we would choose poverty over unfaithfulness.

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. -Philippians 3:20 & 21

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Jan 20, 2011 by desiringvirtue

Joy.

That little apartment was beaming with joy. Inside was a young wife who had just confirmed her suspicions-she was pregnant. Life was blossoming within her and she couldn’t contain the smile it produced on her lips.

“Hello little one,” she sang as she gently caressed her now precious belly.

How would she tell her Love? How should she share with him the most wonderful news of their lives?

She raced to the store to buy a statue of a man holding his newborn baby-she remembered her love admiring it before. Soon she was in her galley kitchen mixing the batter to a cake she would ice blue and pink. She quickly prepared the tiny home for her Love’s arrival, made their favorite dinner and queued the movie to just the right place.

There was his key in the door. That familiar sound sent excitement through her veins as she put on the most ordinary face possible.

“I want to eat in here tonight,” she said motioning into the living room where the baked tortellini was sending steam to the ceiling of the enchanted room.

“Ok, what are we watching?” His eyes moved from the little laptop screen to her coy face.

“Oh, I was watching Made for Each Other, do you want to keep watching?”

Always up for a Jimmy Stewart film, he settled into their couch and marveled at the cake. “Wow! What is the occasion?”

“No occasion, just felt like baking…” Did he not notice the color scheme? Oh never mind he will get it soon enough she said to herself.

The movie took up where she had stopped it: John Mason opens the note slipped to him by his wife and he slowly grasps that they are going to have a baby. As the couple on screen exchange bewildered expressions the little wife sitting next to her unsuspecting husband presented him with a gift. His confusion fell to the ground with the wrapping as he helds the final clue to his future.

“No way!”

“Yes.” She nodded her head through tears and they embraced. That night was filled with laughter and talk of the future. Images of a beautiful child flashed in their imaginations as they spoke of the experiences to come. They threw off any fears that some might suppose accompany such news and thanked their Heavenly Father for the gift of life produced through their love.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” -James 1:17

Their child was shrouded with prayer that night. That night in January of 2008.

Pain.

It wasn’t normal. Surely she shouldn’t be feeling like this. Is that blood?

“No, God, please no.” Tears formed pools of sadness in her eyes. She looked out the window and prayed to her Father, but in her heart she already knew what was going to happen.

The next day the young wife and her brave husband sat in a dark room next to the glow of a computer monitor showing their baby. Their precious baby, so small, so miraculous.

“It is hard to tell at this point,” the caring voice cautioned, “Usually there is a heart beat, but sometimes not yet.”

Not yet? Could the young wife cling to those words? “Can we have that picture?” she asked hesitantly.

One picture. One piece of evidence. Proof that a baby had existed. One glimpse into their possible future.

They left that room with uncertainty, but the next few days of anguish confirmed the young wife’s heart knowledge.

Her baby was taken from her. In a war of horrid pain her baby was snatched from her womb. Where life had once been, there was only stillness. In the final hours of February 25th the young mother and the young father she loved lost their baby. A still silence punctuated only by their soft whimpers filled their tiny apartment. Her mother, the bereaved grandmother, sat close by stunned by the utter sadness. What words were there to say?

Silence was broken by the young mother’s feeble words, “We should pray.” The young father, her love, lifted up their little family to their good God. They asked for peace, for comfort, for joy. They asked for clarity and trust. Their hearts cried out to the One who took their baby, the baby he had given them.

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” -Job 1:21

“Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” -Job 2:10

Sacrifice.

The pain didn’t go away. She carried it with her everywhere she went. It was heavy at first, strong like the waves of the ocean. Each baby she saw seemed to push her back down into memories of a lost future. Push, push, crash, crash. As she worshiped alongside other families on Sundays she silently cried, longing for what they had, longing for her baby, her lost baby.

But her pain wasn’t wasted. It wasn’t for nothing. Every tear, every longing was a sacrifice she offered up to her God, beautiful incense. She begged her Savior to teach her the lesson he intended for her to learn, that she would have the ears to hear it and the heart to grasp it. She gave him her pain and asked for his strength.

She asked him to be strong for her and he was.

“Who is like the LORD our God, who is seated on high, who looks far down on the heavens and the earth? He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap, to make them sit with princes, with the princes of his people. He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!” -Psalm 113:5-9

Every day she grew stronger and slowly the waves got smaller. The Lord brought new blessings into her life. She would never be the same. Her faith was deeper, more real than it had been. She walked through the fire of affliction and was more beautiful because of it. She loved her God with a more natural, more pure love. Her praises were filled with memories of of pain and deliverance; her testimony one that had been tried, tested. She was thankful, thankful for the pain.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” -James 1:2-4

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Why We Must Dig Deeper

Aug 24, 2010 by desiringvirtue

I will admit it. When I enter a Christian book store I head directly to the “Women’s” section. There are so many pretty, helpful, and interesting choices there. Not only do many of them answer questions I have been thinking about recently, but they are packaged in attractive, flower printed book covers. My heart races when I discover a new treasure by a beloved author and my fingers skip through its fresh, stiff pages with jubilee.

Most of the books written by women, for women, about women (in relationship to the Lord of course) have similar content. Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 make up the great majority of pages shared by these authors. These beautiful passages of scripture are some of the most specific teachings for Christian women and deserve as much attention as is possible to give. Besides the basic teachings of these passages (wifely submission, husband loving, loving children, being workers at home, purity, self-control, trust in the Lord, etc…) most women’s books give practical advice and personal experience to aid you in your quest to become a godly woman. These insights can range anywhere from raising children to decorating your home to physical intimacy with your husband. This is wonderful and exactly what is meant when the book of Titus says “older women are to teach what is good” and “so train the young women.” Discipleship from generation to generation is vital to every woman who desires to be the best woman/wife/mother she can be. We need the how-to notes for these passages in order to practically apply them to our own lives. Reading the advice and experience of older, godlier women gives us just that. But, it is dangerous and detrimental, to limit your spiritual reading to this category (or any other category for that matter) of books.

Just as our bodies need a balanced diet of food, our souls and minds need a balanced diet of knowledge. As women we gravitate toward self help type literature. We are programed to be practical people and love to find new tips and advice that we can instantly seek to apply to our lives. But if we are constantly filling our minds and hearts with “To-Do” or “How-To” lists we will quickly become overwhelmed in our Christian walks. Our daily lives will fail to focus on the Risen Lord and instead focus on reaching goals set by ourselves or an author.

It is important to remember that being a woman/wife/mother isn’t what defines us, but it is our God and our relationship to him that defines us. If we ever want to be wives and/or mothers who reflect the glory of God we must first and foremost see the glory of God for ourselves. We must dive deeply into the scriptures and into works of literature that explain the truths of God to us so that our minds can be opened to the vast beauty of our Savior and our hearts can be filled with the glory of his love toward us.

Often this means leaving the familiar and attractive Women’s section of the book store and heading on over to the Theology, Apologetics, or Biblical Commentary sections of the store. It is in these sections that we find the “why” behind the “how” of our daily lives. It is here that we learn why we are called to submit to our husbands (Marriage being a visible illustration of Christ and the church), serve faithfully in the church (God’s plan for the people of God), make our homes and our family our primary priority (God’s creative plan for man and woman), etc… It is within the pages of literature that focus on God that we find ourselves swept away by his holiness and planted firmly on the ground of sanctification. They give us motivation, understanding, and delight. Without a deep and growing understanding of the Lord, our attempts to be good wives, homemakers, mothers, neighbors, church members, etc… are in vain. We will constantly fail and constantly lack the pure desire to change if we have no vision of the Lord leading us ahead in our quest.

Practical is good. But I want to submit to you that nothing is more practical than theology (the study of God). Every piece of literature you read is putting forth some kind of practical theology, but if we don’t know the theology behind it, we will fail at the practical implications within it’s pages. Am I suggesting that we boycott the Women’s section of LifeWay? Absolutely not. What I am suggesting is that we bravely explore the more difficult and less obvious choices that are thankfully in abundance and by so doing grow ever closer to our Lord before we seek to grow closer to the perfect wife.

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Motives and Methods… a look at birth control (Pt.4)

May 7, 2010 by desiringvirtue

Last Thoughts

My purpose in doing this series has been to challenge the culturally accepted use of abortive birth control methods and to look into the heart of our dependence on them. I have done a somewhat adequate job on the first point, but today I want to take a few moments to focus on the second point. If it is true, which I believe the evidence clearly proves (if you haven’t already, please read this and this), that the pill and other forms of hormonal birth control methods could abort a fertilized egg, then why do so many Christians still use them? Here are some common objections that people raise to abandoning methods like the pill and responses to them:

“If God wants us to get pregnant, then he can surely work around the birth control method we have chosen.”

Yes this is true, and many times he does (most of us know people who have gotten pregnant on the pill), but it does not in any way lessen our own responsibility for the life/lives of the child/children we could be unknowingly aborting through knowingly taking a substance that could keep a fertilized egg from implanting. The analogy of not buckling your child into a car seat while driving does not adequately represent this choice. It is more closely related to not putting them in a car seat and then purposefully driving recklessly on a busy highway. God can keep your child safe in such a situation, but he doesn’t have to, and he doesn’t always.

“We are not taking the pill with the intention of aborting a baby… our intention is to prevent conception of a baby, which the Bible does not prohibit.”

Intentions are important, but they don’t change the reality of what is going on in our bodies. If we know that something we are doing has the possibility to kill a baby, then our “intentions” are naive at best. A helpful analogy would be the alcoholic mother who doesn’t intend to hurt her developing child, but doesn’t mind taking the risk involved in constantly subjecting her child to a substance that is known to have harmful effects on developing children. Once a woman knows about the possible abortive effect of the pill (or any other birth control method that works in the same way) she is responsible for that knowledge and must follow the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

“We can’t really know when a baby’s life begins; what if an embryo isn’t even a baby until it actually attaches to the uterus?”

It is true that we know very little about when a person becomes a person. When does God create a soul from a sperm and an egg…? These are impossible distinctions to make. Most secular physicians have redefined a true pregnancy to the embryo who has successfully attached itself to the uterus. Yet, even before that pivotal moment the child has a unique DNA that is a combination of the father and mother’s. It has a gender and is already developing and increasing in complexity. The mere fact that we can’t put our finger on when exactly that zygote becomes (or has already become) a person should lead us to be very careful and conservative in our speculations. The same dehumanizing logic is used by those who support early term abortions and should be strictly guarded against. It seems as though the safest place to mark the beginning of a new life is when the two distinct objects (a wife’s egg and husband’s sperm) combine to form a completely new creation-one that is unique from both the mother and father. This zygote (quickly developing into an embryo before it reaches the uterus) is not just another part of the woman’s body, it is now a distinct body within the mothers.

“We need the certainty of a certain kind of birth control in order to plan our family responsibly.”

The introduction of the pill, IUD, etc… into society created a sense of security and control for women and their sexual partners. Their effectiveness gave couples the very real option of putting off children for as long as they felt it necessary. The link between sex and reproduction has in many ways been severed due to their extreme effectiveness. This kind of mindset has certainly infiltrated the Christian community as well. The risk of getting pregnant, even while using other purely contraceptive methods, is seen as a negative predicament while the certainty of the pill is seen as a blessing. We tend to get married young (a great thing!), but purposefully put off children until we are comfortable adding them to our lives whether for careers, monetary reasons, passions, ministry aspirations, etc…. simply because we have the ability to (thanks to methods like the pill). These things are not necessarily wrong in and of themselves, but if the method you employ to put off children has the potential to kill children in the process, it must be abandoned no matter what its positive attributes might be. Furthermore, if discontinuing the use of a potentially sinful birth control method is difficult because of fear for the future or a distain for children interrupting your life, you may want to do some studying on what the Bible says about those concerns.

“If I don’t use this particular birth control method I will inevitably get pregnant.”

A doctor once laughed as he told me, “You know what they call women who don’t use birth control… pregnant!” He was referring specifically to the pill in that case. There are other ways to prevent pregnancy such as condoms, cervical caps, and the rhythm method, but it is true that they are less reliable, less effective, and sometimes less convenient. I know couples who were able to put off children for years using the rhythm method and condoms, but also know women who this has not been as effective for. I see three different issues at the heart of this concern: 1.) Willingness to do whatever the Lord convicts you of no matter what the consequences (such as getting pregnant sooner than desired); 2.) Trust in the Lord’s plan and provision for your life if you were to get pregnant; 3.) Believing that the Lord was not lying when he called children a blessing and not a burden to be avoided at any cost.

These are just some of the common concerns I have heard from those who are confronted with the information included in my earlier posts. My heart here is not to make them sound trivial in any way. My desire is to dig beneath the concerns and look into the motives of making the choice to take a substance that could cause an abortion. It is my adamant opinion that Christian women should avoid the pill and other similar birth control methods because it is the wisest choice to make. It is possible that your body will never abort a fertilized egg while taking the pill, but it is also possible that it may (even multiple times) keep your body from accepting a developing baby in your womb. For as long as this is a real possibility my conscience will not allow me to put my “possible children” at risk. It is my earnest prayer that after researching the information I have provided, you and your husband will come to the same conclusion.

As Christians we are to look distinctly different from the world around us. We are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and mind. This includes trusting him, obeying the Holy Spirit who convicts the heart, and thanking him for the gift and blessing of children and the way he has designed our bodies to conceive life. We are also to love our neighbor as ourself, which means that as Christians we must continually seek to put the good of others before our own. In this case we must choose to put the safety of our developing children above the convenience and security a particular birth control method offers.

Please weigh the evidence and pray that the Lord would lead you and your husband to obey him in this very intimate area of your life.

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Motives and Methods… a look at birth control (Pt.3)

Apr 23, 2010 by desiringvirtue

The Pill

Did you know that conception is defined as the moment when an egg and a sperm fuze to produce a new human? Within minutes of a sperm entering a woman’s body, she can conceive a baby with its own unique DNA. At that moment the blueprints for a person are completely contained within this tiny, single celled, simple creation… including its gender! As this new creation travels down the fallopian tube to the uterus it continues to develop by subdividing into smaller cells. Finally, it makes its home in the lush endometrium (lining of the uterus) where it will find the safe environment and nourishment necessary to continue development until it is ready to be delivered in nine months. It is an incredible process that reveals God’s perfect planning, power, and thoughtfulness.

When a couple decides to delay or inhibit this natural process they can do so by any of the means described in the previous Methods post and many more. One of the most common methods used by American women and even by Christian women is the pill. It’s simple, effective, and popular. Many pastors will even recommend it to their premarital counselees as a good option for those wishing to postpone pregnancy because it is generally thought to prevent conception completely, thus acting as a contraceptive and not as an abortifacient.

Early versions of the pill were in fact more likely to act in a completely contraceptive manner because of the extremely high dose of estrogen they contained. However, due to increasing awareness of the negative effects of such high doses of estrogen in women, the FDA quickly restricted the amount of estrogen contained in American birth control pills in 1988. The pill, which started out having a standard 150 micrograms of estrogen now has about 20-35. These “low dose” pills have a much higher chance of aborting a conceived baby than their earlier predecessors.

So how does the pill work and why does it have the potential to abort a conceived baby?

The combination of estrogen and progestin contained in the pill does three things:

It inhibits ovulation (this is the primary mechanism)
It thickens the cervical mucus, thereby making it more difficult for sperm to travel to the egg
It thins and shrivels the lining of the uterus to the point that it is unable or less able to facilitate the implantation of the newly fertilized egg.

Think of the second and third mechanisms as the back up in case ovulation does in fact occur while taking the pill (which we know is possible since we have all heard of people getting pregnant while on the pill). The first two mechanisms are contraceptive. The third is abortive.

The third mechanism (the alteration to the uterus) is also the most debated among gynecologists. This is interesting because the Physician’s Desk Reference (the most frequently used reference book by physicians in America) clearly states: “Combination oral contraceptives act by suppression of gonadotropins. Although the primary mechanism of this action is inhibition of ovulation, other alterations include changes in the cervical mucus, which increase the difficulty of sperm entry into the uterus, and changes in the endometrium which reduce the likelihood of implantation.”

What does it mean for the endometrium to change in a way that reduces the likelihood of implantation? Randy Alcorn summarizes the process in this way:

“As a woman’s menstrual cycle progresses, her endometrium gradually gets richer and thicker in preparation for the arrival and implantation of any newly conceived child. In a natural cycle, unimpeded by the Pill, the endometrium experiences an increase of blood vessels, which allow a greater blood supply to bring oxygen and nutrients to the child. There is also an increase in the endometrium’s stores of glycogen, a sugar that serves as a food source for the blastocyst (child) as soon as he or she implants.

The Pill keeps the woman’s body from creating the most hospitable environment for a child, resulting instead in an endometrium that is deficient in both food (glycogen) and oxygen. The child may die because he lacks this nutrition and oxygen.

Typically, the new person attempts to implant at six days after conception. If implantation is unsuccessful, the child is flushed out of the womb in a miscarriage. When the miscarriage is the result of an environment created by a foreign device or chemical, it is in fact an abortion. This is true even if the mother does not intend it, and is not aware of it happening.” (Bold added by me)

The condition of the uterus when a baby arrives from the fallopian tube is very important. When an IVF practitioner is about to implant an embryo from a petri dish into a womb he knows that the more lush and rich in blood supply and nutrients an endometrium is, the greater chance the embryo has of survival. It is the same in a naturally occurring pregnancy. Women who are blessed with the ability to conceive a child and who are not altering their endometrium with the pill provide a much more hospitable environment for the conceived child than those who alter the state of their uterus with the pill.

It is true that not every conception results in a successful pregnancy, even in the most perfect of circumstances, but this is beyond our control and in the hands of our God. It is a different matter altogether when we as women (and possible mothers) purposefully take a substance that has the potential to abort a pregnancy that has already begun. The ability of the pill to do such a thing should give us great pause and cause us to prayerfully consider whether or not a Christian should use such a substance at all.

Click here to go to the next post in this series.

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Motives and Methods… a look at birth control (Pt.2)

Apr 19, 2010 by desiringvirtue

Methods

Six months into our married life we stopped using the pill. Why am I telling you this? Why am I sharing something so incredibly personal with you? Because it wasn’t just a personal decision, it was an ethical decision. As a Christian who believes in the sanctity of human life, as a person who holds to life beginning at conception (a fertilized egg that has its own unique DNA), as a woman and mother who wishes she had known more from the beginning, I want to share with you the knowledge that I lacked when I started taking the pill.

Birth control options are abounding today due to incredible advances in medical science. A woman can control when she has a child by simply taking a pill once a day or having an IUD implanted directly into her uterus. But not all methods of birth control work in the same way. Some are purely contraceptive (keeping a husband’s sperm from ever fertilizing and egg), others are completely abortive (keeping a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus), while still others are contraceptive and abortive (contain multiple methods of keeping you from getting pregnant, including making it impossible for a fertilized egg to attach to the uterus). Here is a simple list (not exhaustive at all) of the two major categories of birth control (mostly taken from the very informative site Abort73.com):

Contraceptive Birth Control Methods (cannot cause an abortion):

Continuous Abstinence – The only method that is 100% effective at preventing pregnancy and disease.
Periodic Abstinence or Fertility Awareness Methods – Being abstinent on the days you may be fertile or using a “barrier” method of birth control (condoms, diaphragms, or cervical caps) on fertile days.
The Male Condom – Prevents sperm from reaching the egg.
The Female Condom – Worn by the woman, prevents sperm from reaching the egg.
Diaphragm – A shallow latex cup that prevents sperm from reaching the egg, requires a visit with your health care provider for proper fitting.
Cervical Cap – A thimble-shaped latex cup that prevents sperm from reaching the egg, requires a visit with your health care provider for proper fitting.
Surgical Sterilization (Tubal Ligation or Vasectomy) – Permanent surgical methods of birth control. Tubal ligations prevent a woman’s eggs from reaching her uterus. Vasectomies to prevent sperm from entering a woman during intercourse.

Birth Control Methods That Can Cause an Abortion:

Copper T IUD (Intrauterine Device) – A small, copper-containing device that is shaped in the form of a “T.” and placed inside the uterus by a health care provider. The copper arms prevent fertilization by keeping sperm from entering the fallopian tubes. If fertilization does occur, the IUD would prevent the fertilized egg from implanting in the lining of the uterus.
Progestasert IUD (Intrauterine Device) – A small plastic device that is shaped in the form of a “T.” and placed inside the uterus by a health care provider. It contains the hormone progesterone, which causes the cervical mucus to thicken so sperm cannot reach the egg, and so that a fertilized egg cannot successfully implant into the lining of the uterus.
The Mini-Pill – The mini-pill only has one hormone, progestin, instead of both estrogen and progestin. Taken daily, the mini-pill reduces and thickens cervical mucus to prevent sperm from reaching the egg. It also prevents a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus (womb).
Emergency Contraception (“Morning After” Pill, Postcoital Contraception, Plan B, etc.) – According to WebMd, emergency contraception “is a form of birth control that may be used by women who have had unprotected sex or if a contraceptive method fails.” The reason there is so much confusion as to whether or not emergency contraception has the potential to be abortifacient is because those marketing it seem to have subtly changed the definition of pregnancy. This is perhaps nowhere more evident than on the website for Plan B® One-Step.

On the “Consumer” side of the website we read this (select “How Does it Work?” then “Learn More” to read for yourself):

Plan B® One-Step is not an abortion pill. It won’t work if you’re already pregnant. If you take Plan B® One-Step and are already pregnant, it will not affect your existing pregnancy.

On the “Prescribers” side, we find something very different:

Plan B® One-Step works primarily by: Preventing ovulation. Possibly preventing fertilization by altering tubal transport of sperm and/or egg. Altering the endometrium, which may inhibit implantation (emphasis added).

The first two methods work to prevent an egg from being fertilized. The third method works to destroy the fertilized embryo. That’s abortion. When Duramed Pharmaceuticals, the manufacturer of Plan B® One-Step, tells consumers in no uncertain terms that emergency contraception cannot cause an abortion or interfere with an existing pregnancy, either they are lying outright or they’ve redefined pregnancy as something that begins at implantation instead of fertilization. Since they plainly admit on the “Prescriber” side of their site that emergency contraception can prevent an embryo from implanting in the mother’s uterus, we must assume the latter.

Oral Contraceptives (the pill): contain both estrogen and progestin in very low doses to 1.) prevent ovulation, 2.) effect cervical mucus making it harder for sperm to enter into the uterus, 3.) change the endometrium’s (uterus’) ability to support a fertilized egg.

Of course there are many more options available that fall into each of these categories, but these are the ones that I know the most about and can clearly articulate to you. I emphasized the oral contraceptive method because it, I believe is the one least understood by Christian couples who are contemplating the choices available to them. I believe that many couples, like us, would be shocked to know that the pill has the potential to act in the same way as the morning after pill does. I know there are many women out there, like me, who do not realize that they could be aborting a baby by taking a simple pill every morning.

So the question is, can the pill (the most widely used birth control method in the United States) cause a woman’s body to abort a fertilized egg? If it can, is it the Christian’s obligation to refrain from such a form of birth control? As Randy Alcorn says, “For those who believe God is the Creator of each person and the giver and taker of human life, this is a question with profound moral implications.” As women desiring virtue it is a question we must ask.

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Motives and Methods… a look at birth control

Apr 15, 2010 by desiringvirtue

Our Story

I still remember going to the gynecologist for the first time. I was very nervous, especially because my doctor was a man! It was a few months before Richard and I were to be married and I needed information about birth control. To make matters more interesting I saw my pastor’s wife in the hospital parking lot on the way in… “Welcome to womanhood!” she exclaimed as we parted. I came out of that appointment with a prescription for a pill that would keep me from getting pregnant until Richard and I decided the “time was right.”

Our plan was to finish Richard’s last year of undergrad and get a few years of seminary out of the way before we started having children. Of course we were open to God changing our plan at any time, but it was a plan nonetheless. Most of the young Christian couples around us were on the pill and none of our spiritual leaders warned against it. The closest we got to a caution was the statement, “it is a matter of conviction for each couple.” We just assumed this was referring to the decision to delay having children or the idea of planning how many children to have, not to the actual bioethics involved in the method. I started taking the pill with little hesitation and a lot of naivety.

Richard and I wanted to have a large family from the start. We love children and have always thought of them as a blessing rather than a burden. We did, however, lean toward waiting until we were at a place financially where Richard could fully support us and I could stay home full time with our children. Our desire for kids was something we felt could be sacrificed until we were closer to finishing Richard’s schooling. So that is where we were…. wanting children, but waiting until we were “ready.”

The pill was easy. The pill was also effective. Everyone else was taking the pill. We were taking the pill.

Four and a half months down our married road a coworker got me thinking about that decision again. He was one of the few Christians working at my Starbucks and for some reason everybody knew that he and his wife were not on birth control. This was partly because people who work at a coffee shop have plenty of time to talk about other people’s business and partly because he wanted people to know about the possible abortive effect the pill could have on a forming baby. Inevitably we got to talking about it one day and he began explaining how he and his wife had made the decision not to use the pill after her gynecologist admitted that there was a chance of a fertilized egg being aborted while using the pill. This was new information to me… after all, I thought the pill was supposed to keep an egg from ever getting fertilized in the first place! I took what he said, gave it a little thought, and then decided that there was a difference between a possibility of a fertilized egg being aborted and purposefully aborting a fertilized egg. He patiently and sensitively waited and did not press the issue any further.

The Lord did not allow me to go too long before bringing this issue back to mind however. This was around the time when President Bush was in office and all of the hoopla about embryonic stem cell research was going on. For good reason the Christian community was very much against the purposeful destruction of human embryos. I wondered how much of a difference there was between my “possible baby” and these “possible babies.” Then the research began. I started trying to dig up anything I could that would shed some light on what the pill actually does to my system and what it could do to my “possible baby.”

One of the most important and helpful resources I found was Randy Alcorn’s abbreviated version of Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions?. It is a thorough and honest look at what the medical community has to say about the pill and also what the Christian response to it should be. After investigating a little further my heart and mind was made up; I couldn’t purposefully take a medication that I knew had the potential to abort a fertilized egg; I couldn’t purposefully put a baby, my baby at risk. After discussing it with Richard (who by the way, had been reading all the same material I had) we decided to stop using the pill. Six months into our married life we stopped using the pill.

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An End To Your Work Day

Mar 30, 2010 by desiringvirtue

A mother’s job is never done. But can a housekeeper’s, a school teacher’s, or a blogger’s job end at 5 o’clock with the rest of the world? Of course it can! As homemakers, we wear many different hats and some of those need to be taken off both mentally and physically at some point in time or your day will simply turn into one overstressed, unproductive mush. Having a cut off time for certain household duties is beneficial in many ways.

First, it gives you incentive to work hard up until that designated point in time. It is much easier to put your nose to the grindstone when you have a light at the end of the tunnel to keep you going. When you feel like giving up or surfing the web, remember that you have time for that on your “off” hours. Alternatively, deluding yourself with the prospect of a never ending work day can result in procrastination and frustration.

Another helpful aspect to shutting down shop around 5pm is the ability to refocus and recharge before your husband gets home from work. Let your husband come home to a peaceful, quiet home and a peaceful, quiet wife while you are at it! If you plan to have dinner on the table at 6pm, you will have plenty of time to leisurely prepare the meal and spruce up a bit before your love returns from a hard day at work.

Another benefit to retiring for the night is your ability to focus on family time. It is difficult to give your whole heart and mind to your husband and children when you still have the day’s cares hovering above you like a black cloud. This small amount of time you have with your family every night is precious and should not be taken lightly. It is especially precious to your husband, who spends much of his day outside the home and looks forward to your company when he returns. Some of the most important family activities happen in the evening, from dinner to family worship to bath time to romantic rendezvous. Let your heart, body and mind be all there during these precious times.

One last benefit to cutting off some duties when your husband gets home is that he will not feel as though he needs to help you in those activities. He has been working hard all day and envisions this as his time to relax and rejuvenate, but he can’t truly do this unless you are as well. Watching you fold laundry while he relaxes will only make him feel guilty and you feel bitter in the process!

Now, I am not proposing that you put aside your duties as wife and mother. Dinner still has to be prepared and served, babies still need to be nursed, bathed, and put to bed, and much much more. However, there are specific duties that you can designate to your “work day” and others that you can designate to your “off time.” In order to achieve this reality there are certain disciplines that need to be cultivated every day, here are a few:

Have a plan for your day. It doesn’t have to be a minute by minute guide, but having a general plan laid out will help you know what you need to accomplish before the “whistle blows” for the end of your work day. Ideally this should be done before your time off so that you don’t have tomorrow’s to-do list hanging over your head while you are trying to relax. Give yourself 10-15 minutes at the end of every work day to plan the next day’s duties.
Get to work on the hard things first. We all have those specific tasks that we dread doing every day. Whether it is vacuuming or cleaning the tub, getting it done first thing will aid your desire to be productive and spur you on throughout the rest of the day.
Do the most important things on your list next. With the painful, but necessary tasks out of the way, move on the most important tasks. These will vary day by day, but you don’t want them to get looked over as you go about your business. If you do look them over, the chances of you getting to relax when your husband gets home are greatly decreased.
Make as many nighttime chores daytime chores as you can. For instance, if you normally unload and load the dishwasher after dinner or before you go to bed consider moving your dishwashing routine to the middle of the day. After lunch is through, run the dishwasher and unload it before you call it quits for the day. Then all you will have to do before bed is load the dinner dishes. Maybe you could move bath time for the little ones to a less hectic time during the day. If so, that is one less thing you will have to do before the kids go down. Simply setting out the kid’s diapers and pajamas for bed time (before you stop working for the day) is a huge help when you are trying to simplify your nighttime routine, plus it makes you feel prepared for the night.
Take the necessary steps to be able to call it quits. You can’t truly call it quits if the house is still in disarray when the quitting bell rings! The last 30 minutes of your day will have to be dedicated to a thorough pic up in order to make quitting a reality. This means that if you desire to stop working at 5pm, you must begin preparing to stop working a little after 4! Imagine how peaceful you would be if, at around 4:15pm you began picking up the house, looking for loose ends that need to be tied (like a clean load of laundry that needs to be put away or dishes that need to be unloaded). You are able to accomplish these last minute details, light a few candles, and put on a pot of coffee to enjoy before you start cooking dinner. Then, at 4:45pm you sit down with the your cup of coffee and plan out the next day. Depending on how long your dinner preparations are going to take, you may even have time to pray for a little bit thanking the Lord for the things you were able to accomplish and asking him to prepare your heart to be ready for your husband. It all sounds rather ideal does it not? Imagine how different your nights could be with just a little bit of planning!
When it is quitting time, quit! As you are planning out the next day include the tasks that you were unable to get to today (and of course there will probably be some depending on how long you make your lists). Most household chores will not blow up if they are left for the next day and unless something completely unexpected happened you were able to get to the most important things that needed to be done, done. It isn’t as easy as it sounds to quit because a lot of the things we do can be done in just a few minutes, but remember that your off time is designated to other important things like preparing dinner, reading to your kids, or enjoying your husband’s company. These things are just as important (sometimes more) as matching a pair of socks or windexing a window.
Keep your plan for the next day handy. Though it is wise to make this plan before you quit for the day, having it handy so that you can add duties or activities as they come to mind is very helpful. As soon as you think of something or see something that needs to get done jot it down so that it does not weigh on you throughout the night.
Make the “pick-up” habit second nature. If you aren’t going to dedicate yourself to cleaning after 5, then you will need to be diligent in the upkeep of the house from then on out. Keeping a tidy house must become part of our very nature as homemakers if we are to be able to enjoy a clean home for more than 15 minutes! Just take the time as you are enjoying your family to leave every room you spend time in nice and tidy.
View your tasks after 5pm as enjoyable, relaxing activities. It is obvious that no matter how much you get done before you quit for the day, there are certain activities as wives and mothers that will have to be done during the night time. However, viewing them as enjoyable, relaxing activities rather than more chores will make your evenings much less stressful. Cooking, if you are not strapped for time, can be a therapeutic and creative endeavor. Bathing your children and putting them to bed should be an enjoyable, memory making activity. Unfortunately these things can become stressful tasks in and of themselves if you have not done the necessary preparations or accomplished enough ahead of time.

Being part of a family is hard work, being the mother or wife in that family is even harder work. However, evenings should be reserved for relaxing and fellowship with your husband and family as a means of service to them. The whole work day is devoted to serving your husband through working diligently in your home while he is out, let him enjoy the home you have prepared for him by letting him enjoy you.

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1 Peter 3:1-6

Feb 22, 2010 by desiringvirtue

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husband, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives-when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair, the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

Pink passages. They are the words God wrote directly to us as women. They are words that describe exactly what he expects from us and teach us how, through his grace and power, we can please his heart. I am very grateful for these special places in the Bible because they remind me that God created women for glorious, beautiful and specific purposes. He knows that we have our own unique set of temptations and preoccupations, and rather than leaving us to grasp for direction he gently shows us how to overcome our sinful flesh and be women who glorify his name.

In 1 Peter we hear the familiar call to wifely submission, but for an additional purpose. Submission is the attitude that every wife is called to by the Lord (Eph 5:22; Col 3:18; 1 Tim 2:9-15; Titus 2:4-5), but in this case submission is also motivated by a desire to see one’s husband repent and believe in the Lord. The respectful and pure conduct that this wife maintains is attractive and winsome to her husband for the purpose of salvation.

It is easy to look at this passage and assume that it doesn’t hold any relevance to the wife who is blessed with a believing husband, but that notion is completely false. The wife of an unbeliever is not called to have more godliness then the wife of a believer is. Both are called to the high standard of holiness and both must display it through their submission to their respective husbands. The wife of a believer testifies to the world just as the 1 Peter wife is testifying to her husband.

But also as our supreme motivation, we have this small phrase, “…which in God’s sight is very precious.” Do we not desire above all else to appear precious before our Lord? What greater reward can their be in this life, or the one after for that matter, than to be counted as cherished by our creator?

In this passage the Lord explains submission in a few different ways. He describes our conduct as needing to be respectful and pure. We must tend our spiritual growth and aim towards being gentle and quiet women rather than harsh and overbearing. I love how he warns us to not get caught up in physical appearances, but to value our souls and their growth above all else. The most beautiful of women can be ugly in the sight of her husband and her God if her life is epitomized by bitterness, anger, pride, or selfishness. We are told to model ourselves after the holy women of the past by doing good and fearing nothing.

These instructions are good to hear. They are like bumpers on a bowling lane, keeping my heart from getting side tracked and losing purpose. It is so easy to lose focus and begin rolling down the gutters of self-service and self-love. I want to be respectful, pure, gentle, quiet, good, and brave. I want to be precious to my Lord.

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The Fruit of Her Hands

Jan 6, 2010 by desiringvirtue

I have quickly made my way through the first book on my list for 2010, The Fruit of Her Hands, and I can’t tell you how much I have been blessed by it. It truly is the greatest book I have ever read on honoring and respecting your husband. Nancy’s writing style is not typical and makes you feel as though you are sitting across the table from her as she tells you simply how things need to be. I love this about the book and though it is not the most systematic approach to the topic of wifehood, the content is invaluable and will have a lasting impact on my relationship with my husband from here on out. Here are a few excerpts:

On Honoring Your Husband:

“Respect is a demeanor that should characterize wives in all their conduct toward their husbands and in all their communication to or about their husbands-this means courtesy in the home, where the husband is treated with honor.” (underlining me)

On Respecting With Your Speech

“When wife speaks to husband, she should not speak as though she were talking to one of the kids. Her tone should be courteous and kind, not critical, sharp, or flippant. Likewise, when her friends hear her speak of her husband, they should note that on her lips is the law of kindness, not railing and complaining.” (underlining me)

On Growing in Your Knowledge of God

“Because biblical learning is required of us, we ought not to be afraid of it. We must overcome our ignorance! Along with Bible reading, we must avoid bad teaching, whether it is on TV, in Christian books, or from the pulpit. We must seek out good teaching. We ought to read good, solid books on Christian doctrine. It is good for us! We must cultivate a taste for books that will build us up in the faith-not take us to fantasy land.” (underlining me)

On Gossips and Being a Busybody

“Let’s back up and examine how a woman becomes a busybody. First she must learn idleness, as our text says. But how does a woman learn idleness? The image seems contradictory! I suggest that it is learned by studiously avoiding the duties God has laid out for her. The budding busybody must shirk her domestic duties for the more pleasant task of ‘visiting.’” (underlining me)

On Seeking the Wisdom of Older Women

“Young women need to be taught, but not necessarily by other young women. Age brings wisdom and maturity which can only be gained through experience. Young women can be very strong in their opinions about what makes a good homemaker, but they can lack the wisdom and understanding needed to teach with balance.” (underlining me)

As you can see, there is much encouragement to find in this little gem and as you might be able to tell by how quickly I finished it, it is a very short read (just 109 pages). Now I am anxious to get started on her book focused on motherhood called, Praise Her in the Gates, but I think I will make myself wait and use it as incentive to finish a few more books. Visit Nancy’s blog by clicking here.

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Thoughts on Eve

Jan 4, 2010 by desiringvirtue

Have you ever noticed that God gave Adam the command not to eat the fruit from the forbidden tree?

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” Genesis 2:15-17

It wasn’t until after God put Adam in the garden and gave him this command that God created Eve. While reading this passage over the weekend I couldn’t help but wonder if Eve was ever directly commanded by God in this prohibition or if God expected her to obey her husband’s leadership. Yes there was open communication between God and his created beings before the fall, but it is interesting to note that God holds Adam ultimately responsible for the sin committed by his wife. Of course there is no way to know for sure if God specifically told her not to eat from this particular tree, but if Eve was meant to rely on Adam’s spiritual headship in this area, it gives a very interesting spin on Satan’s temptation. Not only would Satan be tempting her to disbelieve her creator, but also her husband.

He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate…

In this one act Eve chose to disbelieve her husband and her God. She decided to take matters into her own hands believing that she could make a better choice than either of them.

It’s a good thing I can’t see myself in this kind of action at all…

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How to Mother Your Husband

Nov 10, 2009 by desiringvirtue

All the premarital books and classes warn against it; I never thought I would struggle with it; somehow I began to do it. What is the dastardly deed that I am speaking of? Mothering your husband. It is something that slowly makes its way into your speech, creeps into your facial expressions, and alters your submission. Submission? Really? Yes. When you begin to treat your husband like a child and take the role of his mother, you place yourself in an authoritative position within your relationship.

This is something I never would have imagined struggling with, I mean I love my position as my husband’s helper! I am not looking to usurp his authority, in fact I welcome it! So how is it that my sinful flesh has found this chink in my armor and created friction within my marriage? There are many possibilities, some of them rising from good intentions and some from prideful ones. All I know is that hearing your husband say, “you are treating me like a child,” and then hearing the voice of your old pastor in the back of your head saying, “he married you for a wife, not a mother,” is not a good feeling. Because this has recently come to my attention I want to take a few moments to contemplate what it looks like to mother your husband and alternately what it looks like to trust/submit to your husband. For this I am going to enlist the expert’s help (the one who has been mothered by mwa). So without further ado, here are our findings:

You mother your husband when you expect him to do things your way and become frustrated when he chooses not to. My husband has a different way of thinking about things, planning things, and executing things. When I look down upon his methods and expect him to fall in line with mine (even though they may not be better), I am treating him like a child and telling him to submit to me. Trusting/submitting to your husband means believing that he is competent and that his methods have merit and value. Obviously discussion is the key here. The first step to understanding another person is to talk to them and find out what they are thinking. I usually fail at this point when I assume that I know what Richard is thinking rather than asking. Ultimately I have realized that there is a certain level of trust that must be my first reaction to differences. I should not assume that he is doing something the wrong way, but simply a different way.
You mother your husband when you tell him what to do. Originally I thought that there were good intentions behind this, but am now convinced that even my good intentions have caused me to sin (by usurping my husbands authority). Usually I tell Richard to do something instead of asking him to do it because I don’t want to give him an option (especially in areas I know he is going to disagree!). Ultimately I do this because I want to control the situation; meaning I don’t want for him to control it. Realizing the heart of this problem has really been a shocker for me. Could it be that I am this sinful? Yes, it really could. Trusting/submitting to your husband means gently asking him to do something rather than telling him to do something and then being content with the results. Again, communication is key as you try to engage your husband with your motives and point of view. Most of the time knowing the reasoning behind your desire gives your husband the opportunity to agree or be persuaded, while telling him what to do conveys that you do not trust him and believe he needs leading .
You mother your husband when you use a condescending tone while talking to him. This can happen when you think he is doing something he shouldn’t be (mothering), when you are not happy with something he has done (mothering), or when you try to manipulate his actions (mothering). Somehow this tone is something we as women are either born with or hear so much growing up that we instinctively use it when trying to control the people in our lives (namely our husbands and children). It conveys an attitude of superiority and says, “you are so stupid.” Of course this is something I would never think, much less say out loud, and yet it is exactly what my heart is saying through my tone of voice to the most precious person in my life. Trusting/submitting to your husband means always speaking in a tone of respect and admiration. This can be particularly hard when you disagree, but is a particularly good tool in putting to death the flesh that seeks to destroy.

I am sure that there are other ways to mother your husband, but these are the particular areas that I struggle with. Can you think of any others? What are ways that you struggle in this area? It may be a good idea to enlist your husband’s help in order to see the blind spots you may have missed. As always, the Lord is so gracious to reveal sin in the hearts of his children and I am so grateful that he has made this one known to me. I am also very, very, very grateful for such an understanding, loving husband who bears with me in my sinfulness.

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Can’t Help Loving That Man Of Mine

Sep 22, 2009 by desiringvirtue

This is my favorite picture from our wedding day. I love it because it captures Richard so well. His face shows that he is the most caring, loving, and tender man and at the same time, his body language communicates that he is strong and protective.

My Husband

My husband is my hero. He daily sacrifices his own desires and passions for my good.

My husband is my best friend. He knows everything about me and is the only person I can talk to about anything and know that he understands me.

My husband is my crush. He is handsome and strong. He makes me want to be beautiful for him. His eyes are the color of smoky quartz and I could look into them forever.

My husband is my leader. He speaks strongly and leads a life that I want to follow. His strength is grounded in the truth of God’s Word like a giant oak tree is rooted in the life-giving soil beneath.

My husband is my priest. He teaches me the scriptures and is patient with my limited knowledge of them. He protects me from false doctrine and cares for my spirit.

My husband is my clown. He is silly when I can’t be and makes me laugh more than any other person. I love to laugh with him. He brings joy to my life.

My husband is my life. Without him I am not myself. Everything I do is with him, for him, and from him. Our souls are fuzed together eternally.

My husband is my future. When everything else fades away and the future is unsure, one thing is certain: as long as there is breath in our bodies we will have each other.

My husband is my heart. I never knew passionate, soul thirsting, electrifying love until I knew him. He ignited a fire within me that he stokes every moment of every day. My love belongs to him and him alone.

My husband is my lord. As Sarah named Abraham her lord, so I name Richard my own. He is my king, my provider, my leader, my caretaker. My desire is to please him above all other men.

My husband is my own. I know that his attentions and feelings are undivided. I am never parched for his affections, but am confident in his love and passion for me at all times.

My husband is God’s tool in the garden of my heart. The Lord perfectly fit Richard as an instruments of edification and encouragement for my soul. No other person convicts, challenges, and strengthens my walk with the Lord like he does.

Thank you Lord for giving me such a blessed marriage. Thank you for providing a husband for me that mirrors your all-surpassing love, leadership, and care. Your provision is beyond understanding.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. -Ephesians 5:25-33

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The Joys and Sorrows of Miscarriage

Sep 16, 2009 by desiringvirtue

You may not know that before being pregnant with Elliot, I miscarried our first baby. The miscarriage was THE most horrible and difficult trial of my life. Yet, through it all, in our greatest weakness the Lord gave Richard and I the joy and strength that we lacked. Our faith was never more real than in those most horrible moments. When you miscarry, the pain does not end after your baby leaves your body; it continues for days, months, and even years after. One of the greatest blessings a woman can be given during this time is the knowledge that someone else knows exactly how she feels. Knowing that another woman has known the pain, and felt the very real presence of the Lord during it, is an encouragement like none other. That is why I have asked a dear friend, Sarah, to share her testimony of the Lord’s faithfulness to her through her recent miscarriage and subsequent pregnancy. I am confident that her Biblical, God honoring testimony will be a blessing to every woman who reads it.

I am most thankful for the opportunity to share about one of the most difficult, yet most peaceful trials of my life. I do hope that this can be of an encouragement to someone else who is experiencing or has experienced the pain of miscarrying a pregnancy.

First I would like to share that I have a 5 year old little girl. I never had any complications with her at all during pregnancy, so when the Lord blessed us with a second pregnancy, I was not even thinking of the possibility that something could go wrong. I was about 5 weeks along when I started experiencing some symptoms that had my doctor concerned. Because I was so early, there was nothing that she could really tell me. We had to wait. It was about 3-4 weeks later when my doctor had determined that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks.

This few weeks of waiting on the Lord was the most difficult yet most peaceful time of my life. My doctor was not very optimistic that the baby would make it, I had to battle thoughts in my mind. I couldn’t think about “what will I do if we lose the baby?” Or even making plans in my mind if everything was fine. I had to stay completely in the “middle” of these two thoughts and just trust the Lord. I had to be completely content with not knowing. I had to be content to wait. It was absolutely beautiful waiting in the arms of my creator, knowing that even though I didn’t know the outcome, and my doctor didn’t know the outcome, He knew. He created this precious little life inside of my womb, and it was His creation and He had it all under control. When my doctor told me that the baby was gone I had an incredible peace about it. God’s grace was with me and covered me in that moment.

The night after I had my DNC, I could not sleep. I was wide awake and all of these scriptures were pouring through my mind! Scriptures about who God is and His faithfulness. Scriptures like “Now see that I, even I, am He, and there is no God besides Me; I kill and I make alive; I wound and I heal; Nor is there any who can deliver from my hand.” (Deut. 32:39) This gave me great comfort to remember that God is always in control of every situation in our lives. Even the most painful things that we experience are all by the hand of our loving Father. “It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn your statutes. The law of your mouth is better to me than thousands of coins of gold and silver… Those who fear you will be glad when they see me, because I have hoped in Your word. I know, O Lord, that your judgments are right; and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.” (Ps 119:71-75) I knew that it was for my good and His faithfulness He had given me this trial. I had never been more close to the Lord than these past few weeks of waiting on Him. “Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful creator.” (1 Pet. 4:19) There was no doubt that this was the will of the Lord for my life and for the life of my little one that He had blessed me with. The Lord also gently reminded me of a scripture I had memorized as a teenager. At the time I really didn’t understand it, though now, it held so much meaning for me. “Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Ps 73:25-26)

The Lord was so faithful to keep me nestled close to Him during that time. I knew that His strength was with me and I had nothing to fear. I did go through a grieving process that I did not quite expect. Through it all, when I felt so broken hearted, He was there with encouragement in His word. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when dreams come true, there is life and joy. “ (Pro. 13:13) This verse helped me to understand to grieve is okay. There is a time to grieve, and there would again be a time of rejoicing. We decided to wait about 3 months to try again. When it came time, I was very afraid. I just kept praying and asking the Lord to help me to trust Him again, and to take the fear away and help me be excited about being pregnant again. In His faithfulness, He led me to Colossians 1. These particular verses were talking about the way that we are to walk with the Lord, being worthy of this and fully pleasing Him in everything. Then I read verses 11-12a “Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and long-suffering with joy, giving thanks to the Father…” He reminded me to be thankful to Him for this trial. To know that He was giving me strength to have joy while I am suffering according to His will! I continued reading in verse 16 “For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.” God had created this precious little person, this precious gift. Though it was a blessing for me, He created it for Himself. For His own glory through Christ! What a precious thought to think that the Lord would create something invisible to the world around me and that He did it for Himself. This gave me great thankfulness and peace! I could not WAIT to be pregnant again! It encouraged my heart so much that no matter how long a pregnancy lasts, whether a few weeks, a few months, or if I carry to full term, it is a blessing! It is for His glory! What an amazing creator we have!

So today, I am humbly grateful to share that I am 8 weeks pregnant. There are moments when those fearful thoughts pop into my head. In those moments, all I can do is pray. I ask the Lord to help me not to dwell on the lies. I ask the Lord to give me strength and excitement and to trust Him with this baby. I remind myself of all that I have learned and what a true gift it was for me to lose the last baby. If it were not for that incredibly painful trial, I would not have the strengthened faith that I do today. I love Jesus more today because of what I went through. I just think “Whom have I in Heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You.”

Thank you for sharing your testimony with us Sarah. It is obvious that the Spirit of God was so active in your life, using the Scriptures to communicate Christ’s love and power.

My prayer is that Sarah’s story will strengthen you through any trial you experience and the scriptures she referenced will be a valuable tool for you when desiring to minister to other sisters in Christ facing difficult times.

Update: A couple weeks after writing this testimony, the Lord allowed Sarah to miscarry your second baby. Her thoughts and pain regarding her recent trial have been heavily influenced by her past experience and confidence in the Lord’s goodness. Her faith in the Lord’s love for her has grown tremendously through these trials. Please pray for the Lord’s blessing on her womb and that she would soon enjoy the blessing of a healthy baby.

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A Modest Swimsuit?

Jun 9, 2009 by desiringvirtue

Summer is here!!!!!! And of course that means the dreaded swimsuit shopping. Do they even make swimsuits that aren’t comprised by itty bitty strings any more? OK, so that may be an overstatement, but not by much. If you’ve been to Target lately you may have noticed the swimsuit selection was quite slim. It seems you either go with a revealing two piece or a skirted grandma bathing suit. Last year while on the hunt for an acceptable suit I wound up at Dick’s Sporting Goods where I finally found a “modest” tankini! Needless to say it was not very cute, much less trendy.

I put “modest” in quotes because I debate frequently in my mind what a modest bathing suit really looks like. Can a bathing suit even be modest in the first place? Obviously the safest course of action would be to never swim in a coed pool or hang out at a coed beach. Seeing as that would be impossible there are only two options: swim in areas where there are people of the opposite sex, or don’t swim at all. I was born in California where trips to the beach were very common. They were some of the best memories I have from my childhood; catching waves on my boogie board, eating hamburgers tainted by sand, and of course trying to swim farther out to sea than my mom would allow. Trust me, it was a lot of fun! I would hate to have to give up this tradition with my children (though the beaches in Texas are less than ideal). The ocean is a beautiful part of creation and hanging out at the beach is a great way to enjoy it. But how do you do that and still maintain a high level of integrity in your dress?

I believe that first and foremost, this is an issue of the heart. What is my motivation for buying a particular bathing suit? Is it in an effort to be sufficiently covered so that I can enjoy the sun and water without causing my brothers to sin? Or am I desiring to draw attention to myself and my body? Am I trying to fit into the culture? Am I afraid that I will look like a dork at the pool? We are daughters of the Living God. We don’t need to worry about what the world thinks of us; we need to worry about what the Lord thinks about us. So I think the ultimate question we should ask ourselves when bathing suit shopping is, “What would my savior say about this suit?” He is the one who knows our hearts.

I don’t know if there is a certain line that can be drawn between modest and immodest suits, but I do know that some are more modest than others. If you are single I think it is helpful to think about your future spouse. One day your body is going to be his. Would he want you to be revealing it to all the world? As wives, our bodies are our gifts to our husbands. They are for their eyes only and for their enjoyment alone. Are you offering your body up to everyone who has eyes and a lustful mind? The same thing applies to us married women. My body is a beautiful secret between my husband and I. Why ruin that by revealing it to other men?

So, it all comes down to the conscience. For some that means a tankini that doesn’t reveal your mid drift, for others it is a one-piece, and still for others it is a t-shirt and shorts over a bathing suit. Someone I love once told me that when it comes to sin we should not see how close we can get to it, but try our hardest to stay as far away from it as possible. So what is your motivation? Are you trying to get as close to revealing as possible, or are you making every effort to not be a temptation to others?

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The Lord Gives and He Takes Away

Mar 24, 2008 by desiringvirtue

Dear Family and Friends,

As many of you know, on February 25th we miscarried our first baby. I wanted to take a moment to share with you a little bit about our baby and what the Lord has done through him. On January 28th I shared with Richard one of the happiest moments of our lives; it was the day that I told him we were pregnant. You could not have found two people who were more thrilled or thankful. We quickly began to picture our future bundle of joy and all of the many blessing that would result from him. The news spread like wildfire and everyone was able to celebrate with us. Four weeks later, I began to miscarry. An ultrasound showed that the baby was about two weeks behind in development. Though it was approximately eight weeks old, it was only measuring six. And then on the 25th Richard and I shared one of the saddest moments of our lives together.

It is an incredible thing to gain and lose something so precious to you so quickly. I know the pain and sadness of that day will forever be etched in my memory. But as terrible as this experience was and still is for us, the weight and beauty of God’s perfect love gives us great confidence and contentment. We know that this tragedy is not outside of God’s control. It was part of his perfect and loving plan for us. He measured out the days of this baby, just as he has our own. Therefore we rejoice in the amazing gift that this child was to us. Through him we were able to experience many joys: a pregnancy test being positive, the amazement of a human life growing within me, and the joy of knowing that Richard and I created something by the Lord’s grace. His death has helped us to understand so many truths about the Lord more deeply. It is a vivid reminder that all of our days are numbered. We cannot control our lives or our family’s lives any more than a flower can choose where it is planted, when the rain will come and harm it, when the sun will shine upon it, or in what fashion it will die. We must therefore live humbly before the Lord knowing that it is He who is in control of all things and trust in His wisdom. Though we have cried many tears and felt immense sorrow, we are utterly in love with our Lord, Jesus Christ. Through this experience we have found new meaning in the numerous descriptions of Him found in the Bible. He truly has been our rock from which we draw strength. He has been our river of living water from which we have received nourishment for our parched souls. He has been the refuge that we found peace and joy in though all around our world was crumbling. More than anything, he has been a father to us. A father who deeply loves, cares for, and understands us. Though all around us waves of sadness, grief, and fear grew great, our Savior stood to calm them.

Immediately after I miscarried I began to think about the parallel between our loss and the Father’s loss when He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins. Perhaps now we have a minute understanding of what the words, “he gave his only son” truly mean. God willingly sent His son to die for sinners. We experienced the death of our child, but Christ’s death was infinitely more appalling. Unlike our child, Christ was the perfect God of the universe who suffered a cruel and unjust execution. We loved our baby so much, but our love could never compare to God’s love for His son. His love is without the blemish of sin; it is perfect. And yet the Bible tells us “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son.” Praise the Lord for His sacrifice for sinners! If it was not for his willingness to sacrifice His son, we would be lost and without hope for redemption. Our sins would forever be held against us and would condemn us for eternity. It is because of the truth of God’s love for sinners like us, that Richard and I have been able to accept and find joy in this tragedy. Without it, there is no joy and there is no peace. We pray that if this letter finds you without an understanding of this truth you would search it out diligently. Read the gospel of John and pray that the Lord would open your eyes and lead you to repentance.

We would like to thank all of you who have so diligently prayed for us. Know that the Lord heard you and His Spirit ministered greatly to us (and still is) as a result of your prayers. The Lord has provided in so many ways, both physically and emotionally. My mother was able to be with us through the whole miscarriage which was a tremendous comfort and service. Many of you have not only prayed for us, but graciously sent cards, letters, flowers, gift cards, even money to help us get through this unexpected time. We are not worthy of such grace and thank you all from the bottom of our hearts. We love you and hope that this little glimpse into our hearts will encourage you as you seek to know the risen Lord.

Love always,

Richard and Jessalyn Hutto

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Welcome to DV!

My name is Jessalyn Hutto and I am the author and editor of DV. My greatest desire is to encourage your soul today to trust in the grace of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior not only for salvation, but for the the strength to daily live a Christ exalting life. Desiring Virtue is a Christ-centered, doctrinally rich resource for Christian women who desire to bring honor to the Lord through their homemaking. To learn more about this site just click on the "About DV" tab at the top of this page. If this is your first time here, make sure to connect to Desiring Virtue through Facebook and Twitter to stay up to date on the latest posts and engage in the encouraging conversation. Thank you for visiting today!

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6. Learn about sweating and deodorants.

7. Figure out what fluoride really does & find a better toothpaste.

Dr. Bronner’s Toothpaste Recipe:

8. Make-up your face healthy!

9. Only wash your hair every other day.

10. Take it slow! Be patient. Find a balance.

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1. Learn about the products your currently using.

2. Get rid of the toxic stuff.

3. Switch to coconut oil.

5. Stop washing your face.

The Oil Cleaning Method

Water

The Oil Cleansing Method Remix

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Is Proverbs 31 Attainable?

Why Desiring Virtue?

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”(Proverbs 31:10)

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The Bra

The Tank

The Nightgown

The Nursing Pad

Traditional:

Something Different:

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1. Our Marriages are Not About Us.

2. Our Marriages are Meant to Be Incredible!

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Relevent Example:

But why does it matter?

Where to Start:

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September 8, 2009

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